It strikes again

Hey...Do you hear that?Ya,those songs.They are back again.Remember the time when I killed them without any mercy?I killed them with full of hatred and vengeance.Do you still remember how long did it take to kill them?How long you suffered just to make them stop eating you inside out?If you still remember why do you want to resurrect them?Just why do you keep your guard lower and lower?Is it really worth it?Do you want to die for the second time?Remember the pain you had to go through.When the time you were half insane half dead.Do you really want to go against it just because you believe your instinct?Sure instinct.Last time your instinct also the one that drove you to the destruction.What should you do?Be yourself.Do not waste time.Go straight to the point.What is happening to you?Where is your confidence when you had the gut to even argue with the professors because you believed you were right.I know it is a game of art and you are not good at art.But hey,nothing to lose.At least you know the truth and you can stop having duels in your mind right?Heh...Okay I am back!Do it now or suffer like the last time.You know right the place that you always find your strength.So tomorrow is a good day.

Sorry fish

When I am fishing I only search for Barramundi and Snapper because they have good fighting spirit and worth my time.They are very hard to find and sometimes I accidentally hook Puffer fish,Grunter and Croaker. Slowly I will unhook and let them go.Of course they will hurt because of the hook.If I accidentally hook them, it is always better not to bring anything home rather than wasting their lives.I am not being ungrateful but it is because I know I won't eat them.By the way,I am not a fisherman,I have other important thing to do.I go fishing during my leisure time.

I am old

Good morning!!!Oh wait...nope...It is afternoon so good afternoon!!!So how are you my grandchildren?Good?I watched a video about a family was having family time.The son drew a picture of his house with a small hut behind it.The father asked the son to whom did it belong to and the son replied"it is yours just like you are doing to your father".Such a heart breaking story right?Teettt...For me, in my point of view I do not think so.Remember this my grandchildren.If one day you find out that I am living in a small hut do not be sad neither remorse.I choose that way.There will be time when I feel everything I have is nothing.I really want to isolate myself in a small hut,maybe far away from people.I want to remember my death and the life after it.Actually my I want to start living that kind of life now but thinking maybe I have responsibilities lying ahead, I need to postpone it.The key word here is postpone.I feel comfortable living with just enough.A line that always ties me is "Take what you need,not what you desire".If I follow my desire,it is endless.What for I desire things which are not permanent?Sooner or later I am going to leave everything behind.It is always a good decision to take what you just need.Greedy and glory drive you to drain.To achieve the feeling of "Yup I have enough" is not an easy task.You need to train and go through a lot.Only few people have the feeling of sufficient of what they have.When you have that feeling,you start to give more and automatically you slowly realise about the reality of this life.The world has teeth and your life is short.Very short indeed.You will feel that you have nothing and you will start to be humble and always appreciate small little things.Grateful and kindness gradually come along.Hear this my grandchildren.Find a person who can lead you to the absolute truth.When you have found him,never let him go.Okay maybe you do not understand now but I am sure one day you will.Pray my grandchildren.May God bless you with His kindness.That is all.Bye bye

Peekebo

Good evening my dear grandchildren.Actually I have a heavy topic to tell you but I am too busy right now.So I am telling you a bit about my current study.This is my third semester of my master year.I keep asking over and over to myself why am I doing this master.The answer keeps changing but the most prominent answer is I am bored and I need to exercise my brain.Sounds a bit cocky but really that is the truth.I remember the time when I had nothing better to do I started to find problem and solution.I remember I started to learn how to hack things,thinking about committing a perfect crime and some other illegal activities.To save myself,I channel my excessive energy to something legal and makes me grow.It is fun but sometimes quite stressful.I need to balance my life.I am taking a very heavy subject this semester.It is an elective subject.I need to read 2-4 journals per week.A lot!!!The journals are so lengthy. Arghhh...It even consumes my time to play online game.Anyway I learn a lot from the journals I read.Oh ya,I got a riddle for you.What will happen if...Think...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Time's up...Nothing will happen.I am off to bed reading a journal.Hahaha...Normal human being would read a book to sleep,I read an academic journal to sleep.How do you like it?You just don't.Believe me.Lulz

3.2.1

Good evening!!!I have something to tell you.Come closer and listen.Well things went the way I predicted so I guess that is the end of the story.I really want to continue but I am too scared to try the new one.Why I ended?Hmm..Imagine a circle.It represents my thought.The total volume of it is 100%.The problem is the circle before was almost 40% preoccupied with something really unnecessary.I felt annoyed.Suppose the circle should be 80-90% full of the One.The unnecessary thing must be discarded as it did not want to cooperate. So I discarded it but it still preoccupies about 10% of my circle.It takes time I guess.So I will totally forget about it one day.Hey.Holiday is almost here.I need to recharge my motivation.It hurts though.Luckily not too deep.Now I am off to bed.Nite...Be good

Hey ;)

;) Life is so unpredictable.I hate memories.That is why I do not fancy making new friends.Maybe I look emotionless outside but deep inside,I am suffering.I dislike new things but hey two parallels line,so many similarities yet they never come across each other.I am not sure what should I feel,I am a bit confused.I do not know what to react.Should I smile?cry?.Follow me because I am following the right person.I am going even I am alone.

I will die one day

One way or another one day you will find out about this blog.Well I hope you won't feel shock reading all the posts.The posts are from my inner thoughts and hopes.They are meant for my grandchildren.As I said before,I dislike new things.I need to learn new things when I feel comfortable with the old ones.But what can I do?People change,they leave me behind.The fact that they will leave me forever is not bothering me but the memories are killing me.One person and another slowly leaves me behind.I observe them attentively.Can you see nothing is forever?The love ones grow old.One day they will die.I am getting old.If I live long enough,I would return to the same first stage when I was born.I would start to depend on other people just to do simple routine.Why people are still chasing the one which are temporary?I am chasing the permanent.I wonder why people live as if they would live forever.I am going to chase it with or without you.May I have the strength to fulfill my dreams.Yes it is very hard.My heart pounded like crazy when I heard about the journey ;)

The person

Tomorrow I am going back to my hometown.To be exact I am going back to my village.You know what really excites me the most?Seeing the person you have been thinking so much.I remember the time when I was waiting for the person to come to the person's favorite restaurant. I had not seen the person for quite a long time. While waiting, I had butterflies in my stomach.I wanted to punch them badly so that I would be well composed but I could not. The longer I was waiting the harder my heart beat.Quickly I measured my heart rate.It went sky rocket.Then I saw one of the finest sights.There was the person walking into the restaurant.I walked slowly but in my heart,God knew.I was like "yeayyyyyy!!!!".Ahh..the memory.The person also used to give me the sweetest smile ever.The person put the newspaper down, looked at me and smiled. I was completely stunned. That is the sweetest smile I ever have in my life.I continued looking at the person,watching every move and listened carefully all the words came out from the person's mouth.You know, whenever I feel so down, I close my eyes and think about the smile.I feel so motivated. Now I am going to see the person later.I cannot wait for tomorrow to come.Who is that person?The person is someone special.Very special.I do not simply idolize a person unless the person has something really really special.Yes the person is really special.One day, by God's will and permission, I am going to be like the person.Love it more than anything in this world.

A diamond I should be

Sleepy...but it is still early for me to sleep.Today I am going to tell you something about my duel.The duel is a lifetime duel. What ever happens I really hope I will win this. Have you ever been wanting or longing something so much? Well I have. I pray and put effort in it. It is so hard to get it but hey,that is why so few people succeed. I want to be one of them so I need to walk the path they had been through. I must love it more than my life, my glory, and money. It is hard to find someone who shares the same view with me. I pray to be a diamond just like them but once the compression begins, I almost crack. Lesson learnt I must bear the compression to be a diamond. It is hard...That is why I always look at you and you look at Him. ;)

Some random thoughts

Hey remember the time when I was so full of anticipations and dreams about this life?Well I don't.Lol.Okay I lied.I do remember.Still parts of my dreams,I am carrying them.I have discarded some.If only you see the way I see, you definitely will understand.It is quite hard to find someone who will understand my point of view.I am trying to find the perfect match for myself which I see it is hard.Not many people want to give up this world before it is too late.Glory and gospel.Both of these things have destroyed people for generations yet so many people are still chasing them.They live their lives as if they will not die.Try take a moment,think what happened to people before you.The great people or perhaps the great rulers.They died.I do not want to die without enough preparation.Yes I am still young but I always think about death unless I am drifted away from the truth sometimes.My death definitely will come,I should die before my eternal death.It means I should take what I need, not what I want.People have endless desires.If you give them a mountain of gold,they will ask for the second mountain.They will chase for the second mountain and without they realise they are dead.No preparation at all.Very few people feel enough and grateful about what they have.I found a person who can always remind me about it.The problem is he is far away.My plan is, I want to move out from my current state and move in to a place nearer to him.I have to love it more than everything.Once I have moved in, I am going beneath the radar.I am going now.See you later.Good bye

Almost holiday

Good morning!!!Well lately I am moving on to my new life. It is a now what moment since I am in the semester break. So much free time even though I am working.Don't get me wrong. It means my brain has so much free time. I constantly need challenge for my brain to keep me sharp. Well when I have nothing else to think, I start to have projects. You know because I have money and I am a grown up man now. I am thinking of going fish the moment I arrive my village. I am going to buy 3 fish traps and set them for a night. I remember when I was a young boy, I set up several fish traps. At night I could not sleep because I started to imagine things. I was so excited and wished the night faded away quickly. I think the same thing will happen even I am a big man now. I just cannot contain myself for that kind of excitement. Things that make people excited rarely make me feel excited but for this thing, although it is considered minor for other people but for me it excites me. Oh by the way, a person I just barely knew has started to give me advice regarding life. I do not really enjoy it since I have my point of view of life. It is heavily influenced by someone who is highly respected by me. It may seem I am a care free person for some people. It happens because I put priority different from them. What is the point of chasing something temporary? Oh by the way, I bought a new watch. So cheap but I needed a watch so I bought it. Hey, I am off to bed now. See you later. Good night...

It is getting harder

I think I will walk alone in this life.Ya I know in 200 there will be 1 who will conform with my way of life.It is a fact.But I do not have time to try out 200.Living with me meaning there is no gospel and glory.It is hard for people to live without them.Recently questions keep on taunting my mind. What my great great great great great grandfathers and grandmothers did at this particular moment?Did they regret with their lives?Let say I am married and I have decedents. Will my great great great great great grandchildren even know my name?I don't think they even know about my existence.That is why I want to abandon gospel and glory.This world is just a place full of lies and fake promises.If only you see the way I see.The further I go,the harder I find the one.I start to see differently.Do you know deep inside,I have a constant duel.It fights each other and usually the bad one wins.I am so weak.That is why I have the highest respect for people who have won the duel.There are very few of them.I am trying to be the few.Until my dying day,I will keep on trying. ;)

Sentimental strikes

Good morning my grandchildren.It is 4:02 in the morning!!!Haha.I haven't slept yet even though I am working tomorrow.Tomorrow I do not think I am going to work because I have problem with my car. Need to fix it.I read the past posts in this blog and I can see that my style of writing is actually getting better but things which are important for me during those days are still matter to me up until today.Oh boy,how time flies.I started to write this blog in 2010 and now it is 2015.5 years...And I think I am still the same.In the 5 years,people came and went away from me.I lost several loved ones.I learnt more than before.I committed so many mistakes.There are things which are best to be kept secret and I regret them.Come to think that,people around me are getting older.I am getting older but the signs of your presence are still far. I am not sure whether my dream will come true.I rarely take my time to reflect my life but once I do it,I will feel so down for a long time. I am sorry to let people who had faith in me down. I was stupid and I was wrong. Next time before I will do something,I will start to think very deep.Will I feel regret about this here and after?

Post statistics

Hello my grandchildren!!!I just finished one more paper today.Research statistics!I kind of love and hate that paper at the same time.My hands hurt so much until now.Suddenly I realize the paper is not that hard if I studied earlier.I think I just nailed the paper. I do not really enjoy aiming just to pass any paper.I want to ace it because I feel like it is a waste of time to study when my aim is just to pass the paper. I will always do my best for every subject I take,always desire to ace every subject but if I am destined to get low mark,I have no sorrow.I am yours and everything is yours.Who am I to question you?So this coming Tuesday is my last paper for this semester.I feel like celebrating it after finishing my final paper because this semester is very rough for me. Hmmm...What should I do to celebrate the end of this semester?Should I watch movie?Nah...I hate watching movies because movies always defy logic and physics law.Should I eat at expensive restaurant?Nope...expensive restaurant menu does not really suit my appetite.I know!!!I should sleep more.I need to rest a lot after several restless nights I have been through. Can't wait to finish my master.I want to disappear after I have completed it.At that particular moment,I am with myself.Okay...See you again...Good bye

The semester

Hello my grandchildren. How are you today?Fine?I have a lot of assignments to be completed.The time is so limited. :( . This semester is the toughest semester I ever had. I am not sighing, I am stating the fact to let you know. Never ever sighed! And be patient. Everything will be okay gradually and if everything is not going to be okay, who cares? Sighing and impatient will not solve a thing.They just signs showing you are giving up. Giving up is forbidden. Sometimes when I am down, I'll find my strength by seeing the right people. Now I am going to complete my assignments. I have 2 assignments needed to be completed by the end of this week.I am thinking of going to the library again tomorrow since the environment there is so conducive. It has the internet but cannot be connected to games. So it is good for me. Okay.See you again when I see you. Take care.Good bye~ 

Small talk

Yeay,I am here to write.I did not plan to write today but since I am killing my time so here I am.Today I went fishing with my friend.I went out fishing to forget awhile things that I am going through.Guess what.I caught a decent size fish but the thing is I did not have my adrenaline rush.I need a dose of it to make me feel alive.I found a person who can give me adrenaline rush but after I learnt more about the person,I think I should not have my adrenaline rush with that person anymore because it is wrong.Just plain wrong.Maybe one day I will find a person who can constantly give me adrenaline rush and it is not wrong.

Problem

You know when I feel something is worthless,I do not even pay attention to it.The best example is the situation happened today.I was in a meeting,I felt so bored.I hate meeting.A lot.To kill my time,I created a problem and tried to solve it.The problem of the problem was the problem I created turned out to be a burning question for me.I did an exercise on semantic structure but suddenly I was lost.I could not find the answer for my problem that I created.~_~".Now it will start to haunt me till the moment I find the answer.Most probably I will have the answer next week.I am going to ask my lecturer about the problem I created.haha.Now I am going to watch a game.You be good okay.Night2

Sudden realisation

When I remember what did I do when I was in teenagers,I feel like I want to put my head inside a pail to hide.You have no idea what did I do back then.Why was I so stupid?Is this the feeling that I will feel during the judgement day?What was on my mind?I really put efforts to do those stupid and evil things.They keep haunting me until now.Now I realise I wasted so much time doing stupid things.I did not put much thought about what would happen in the future.I am so sorry.I would like to apologise to those who I hurt,playing with their feelings,made them suffer and negative actions that I did.I really regret about it. ;(

A peek inside my thought

I hate making new memory as I find myself hard to let it go.That is why I give least attention to things around me.Yea it can be said that I am a sentimental person but I try to act tough.Some say I don't give a damn about what is around me.I remember the last time I gave attention to things around me,I found myself hurt so much.The problem with everything that I care is they are not permanent.Gradually they will disappear in time.Longtime friends,they will have their own lives.Cars,houses,things that money can buy them,they will break in time.Family members,they will die.How weak we are.Still people live as if they would live forever.Can't you see?What happened to people before you?They also thought they would live forever.They were too in love with this world.Too preoccupied with this world.Without they realised,bammm.Their lives ended.Why should I care and love something temporary?I think I am wiser than before.I know what to love.It is something that will last forever.Don't leave me although I make mistakes so many times.I beg you.You are the one that I beg from.

One day~

There is a person I really want you to meet.Spending 2 hours time with him is worth up to a week of lesson about life from other people.I am not exaggerating.You should come with me when you have time.Once when I was young,I valued my sleep over everything during weekend or holiday.That particular person makes me wake up early in the morning,drive more than 45 km one way,just to listen to his advice and stories for about 2 hours.He can talk about anything precisely.Usually I argue with people even my lecturers but that particular person makes me look down on the floor as a sign of submissive and sometimes I look at him with full of attention.I felt so good when he touchesd my elbow when he was telling a story.I really look up on him.With full of respect.I never paid someone as much respect as I give to him.Guide me please.I want to be as great as you.I know the journey is very long but I really want to be as great as you.

Random fact

So there are several researches support the claim that when you have heartbroken,the pain is the same with physical pain.The brain stimulates hormones to the entire body as if you are having physical pain.Do you know that the muscles around your heart are stunned and it is said it takes about 2 months to recover?How funny it is.Whoa.I am so sleepy now.Can't write anymore.By the way,the result for my 1st semester is out.I did not expect I would do that well.~_~.Good night.Sweet dreams.Bye2

A journey

Sleepy I am.Today I traveled quite far to buy fishing gear.After a long time,this evening I had the opportunity to ride a motorbike.The adrenalin rush was real when the bike was sped up to its limit.It was long journey.Well it took almost 1 hour to reach the fishing tackle shop.The funny part is the shop was small with limited variety of choice.I said to myself "Why did I waste my time coming to this shop?nooo....".I bought a fishing line.That's all.Actually I wanted to buy so many things but an event occurred in the shop which made me rethink.I am not a pro angler but I have been fishing since I was 7 years old.A friend oft mine who came along with me to the shop was looking for a new reel.He is still new in the hobby so he asked my opinion to choose his gear.So I browsed the gear and my eyes were caught by a fishing reel.Looked so good and the price was reasonable. I asked for details from the promoter which happened to be a girl.Nah.Not a girl,a woman to be precise.I asked about the drag force and she gave me answer like a pro but the problem was the answer was wrong. ~_~. Why can't she just admit that she do not know about it rather than giving false information to other people.I used to be like that.I was very hard to admit something that I did not know so I made up stories or facts to make me look smarter.But that behaviour had been put to an end when I was around 10 years old.I was so disappointed with the promoter which influenced my desire to spend there.I giggled when she was telling her made up facts.It was funny though because you know the truth.

A random realization just came out from my cognitive part.I used to like certain aspects of a person.As I grow wiser,they look disgusting.No wonder they are prohibited.I thought they were cool before.

I am going to sleep now.Good night

Must obey

Good evening to my grandchildren.Well if you notice , lately I always update the blog because I have free time.About 2 more weeks before my post graduate class starts.Once it is started, I hardly have time to write the blog.So now is the time to write.When I was young,I couldn't wait to grow up so that my parents can't tell me what to do and what not to do.If I did things that they prohibited,I had a great chance to be punished. I was quite a naughty boy and that explains why things that I wanted to do mostly were dangerous.Thanks God my parents were firm in nurturing me.I thought the chain would be lifted as I am an adult but I was wrong.Now my parents do not control me anymore but far greater person who I respect the most in my life tells me what can be done and what should not be done.Will I be punished if I do not follow?Oh yeah.He is not the one who punishes me but for sure I will be punished.=_=".Today my friends did things that I am prohibited to do.I really wanted to join them but I clearly remember the person said "You should not do that".I still remember his face and expression.Casually but firm.Only God knows what was going on in my mind when my friends were enjoying themselves.I said to myself "Must...obey...what...he...says...for my own good".Half of me,oh nope,come to think that,not half but one third of me really wanted to join them but the other two third said "No".The chain...the chain...it came back to me..arghh..I started to pay attention to details,not to do wrong things purposely.My breath,my sight,my mind, in short everything must be at the correct place.I do not think you will understand now but trust me one day when the time comes,I will tell you.What is the time now?Bedtime!!!I'm off to bed now.See you later.Taaa

Mmmmeeetttiinngg!!!

Good morning to my dear grandchildren.Well I'm stuck here in a meeting.I hate meeting.I lose my attention easily and most of the time they talk about useless things.Sleepy and bored start to haunt me.Arrrr...I need to bunk this meeting.You see,one day if I become an important person,I'm not going to talk alot.I'm going straight to the point.Oh no...A new random person just arrived and he seems to be an important person in this meeting.I think now is the time I should employ my greatest defensive strategy evey created.Sleeping!!I'm going to put a file at front and sleep like a boss.Good bye

Life is unpredictable

Good evening my grandchildren. Life is so unpredictable. I experienced quite a lot lately. At first I never thought in my life I would go fishing with one of my housemates. Until now I wonder how could he start to like the hobby?lol.So we went fishing together several times. But it seems it would not being so long since he is transferred back to his hometown. Yesterday we went to fish in a hut in the middle of a river. Well I've been there before so I have experience about the place. At the planning stage, I recalled every single bad experience to remind him the reality of fishing with me at that place. Mosquitoes, insects, no wind at all, lack of sleep, all those things I kept reminded him so he could prepare himself physically and mentally. You know, there were times where when I was fishing at harsh places, several times I asked myself  questions like "Why am I doing this?Why I left my cozy life?Sleeping on a hard surface". Eventually I promised to myself not doing it again. But after awhile, I went to fish again at extreme places. The process is repeated until now. =_=

Now back to the story about my fishing trip with my housemate, the trip day had arrived. We were highly motivated especially him because it was his first fishing trip for salt water. The journey took almost 2 hours to reach the destination. We had 1 hour to unload and prepare our fishing gear before the sunset. At that time during my previous trip, it marked the beginning of torment. Mosquitoes and insects started to hunt us but this time it was different. There was no single mosquito or insect. To make things better, the wind blew just at the right speed and consistently. At night, we could sleep like a boss it was windy and no mosquito. Regardless I had to sleep in a cement bed, I felt so good. In the morning, I spotted a school of fish. I bribed the fish with some bread. They ate like crazy but never took a bite on my bait. Well I have to admit that the situation drove me crazy for awhile. Disappointment and frustration started to cloud my judgement. I started to swear in Russian. =_=".It had been a long time since the last time I swore. Eventhough the swears were in Russian, bad words are still bad. I lost my composure to a school of fish. My housemate gave up to fish the school of fish but I tried and improved the technique in hoping to find the solution. Guess what??I didn't find any solution.Hahaha..Almost an hour passed I gave up too. I asked him to call for the boat to take us to the shore. We departed back to our house in the afternoon. To my surprise, the sun did not shine brightly as it supposed to shine in the equator. I drove back with ease.Ahhh....So good. As I reached home, I took a bath and went to a deep sleep. Now that explains why I am writing this in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep now!!!haha...See you again next time.Take care

Realise this

Good evening my grandchildren.It weird for me to write to you in the evening.Now let's talk about something heavy.About life.Life is short.I remember when I was young,around 7-8 years old,I started to realise how short our lives are.Yea,since I was little I started to feel time flies so fast.Around 9-10 years old,I started to see life differently.What's the point of having things which are not permanent?Whenever I saw people who were preoccupied with the world,I felt disgusted and sympathy towards them.The world is an endless race.You cant stop once you are in the race.Once you are rich,you want to get richer.Listen to me.Take things that you need,don't take what you want.Your desire is infinite.Now after meeting a person who can show me the way to control myself from the endless world's temptation,I feel a bit calm. The problem is finding a spouse who has the same point of view with me.People that I come across are all the same.They follow their infinite desire.Glory,gospel,girl for men.People are after other people's praises.They feel good as if they own the effort and everything till they think they deserve the praises.Oh...Be careful with it my grandchildren.Hunting for glory,praises and gospel will lead you to the most lowest life.You are here not for all those things.Back to your creator.I am telling you and reminding myself.Once you are preoccupied with the world,you will feel as if you are going to be alive forever.And then,snap!!!Your life has been taken back by the creator.You are back to the form of your first stage of life.Poor and helpless.That's what we are.That's all from me.Take care yea.Bye2

Random

Ah suddenly the past starts to haunt me.Why brain?Why now?I think I am a little bit tired or perhaps that what happens if I do not have any better thing to do. By the way I have another paper for my first semester of master years.Suppose this is the time I should rest and sleep to regain my energy.I tried not to think about it,oh ya come to think that last week I met a person who brought the past of me to my attention.If he could just know me what I am now that would be great.Life is short and I have a very long journey to make.I have wasted 27 years of my life by doing nothing now I think I should make a move.No it is not about my future,it is way beyond that.The problem is not everyone can advice me about things I should do and must do.You are far away and I am here a bit lost.I'm heading to bed now.See you later my grandchildren.