When I had learnt

 D Dmaj7 A7 A

D Dm Bm Em D#m A D
 

D Dm Bm

Em D#m A D

D Dm Bm

Em D#m A D

Do you like the song?Well I like those parts the most because every single word carries huge meaning to me.I never thought world has teeth.

I've always been the one under the knife

There is something bothering me so much lately.You know adult things.I am a full grown up man but with different mentality from others.I view life from different perspective.Almost all the time it feels good to have it but there are few times where my belief is shaken.I thought you were perfect but one by one your weaknesses reveals.Yet I still want it.I try not to think about it because thinking makes my breathe goes away.I am missing the past yet I am living in the present.Grow up and take the changes.I am trying that's why I am not thinking about it.How I wish to go as far as possible and start new.I am a new person where I do not know people around me.I start to learn about them.You know,I am on a mission where I cannot fail.Even if I  succeed still there is a sorrow deep inside because it is not the same anymore.I don't usually need motivation but when I do,bad situation always motivates me well.I have two choices,cry and whine about it or stop being sad and improve myself.

Here it comes

You know,as you grow older things which were cool when you were young are not cool anymore.They make you sick being haunted by them.You will begin to wonder when will all these end.So you put your best final shot because you want to know the ending.Quite a stupid action because deep in your heart,you have planned not to accept failure.For you,failure should not happen because you have given your very best shot to win.Sometimes I would rather say it is a mystery when you can't really predict the ending.There are times when you feel you are gaining the upper hand and times when you feel as low as if you were stuck somewhere and you could not move at all.I tried to predict based on my past experiences yet I always fail.It seems so bright...Really...Then suddenly it becomes too dim.I am told I will not succeed yet I want to make it happens.So I wait,playing with my mind,giving promises to my heart just to comfort myself while waiting something to happen.I never knew the force of this thing is so strong and the best part of it,it happens to me.I tried to move yet I am stuck.Is there anything I am missing resulting me to stuck here?I thought it would be ended after I had change my routines.I was wrong.It becomes bigger and the force is stronger due to the time constrains.I would rather die alone than spending time with someone who I do not really love.I prefer not to think about the plans.I want to follow the flow.Remember this...I cannot protect you forever.I am sorry

Haunted and bothering

Hello my grandchildren.I miss you even you are not born yet.I want to share something with you tonight.It is a bit personal.I am not sure to whom should I tell.So if anything happens to me after this,you will know what you need to do when you face the same thing later in your life.You know,I always dream when I am sleeping.Dream is still mysterious to the science world.I am not a person who will easily believe in something mystique.I will try to relate something with science yet  scientists have not reached the final conclusion about why do we dream and why do some people can foresee the future in dream. So I stick to the standing where dream is just a projectile of our subconscious brain activities.But what bother me the most is I have consistently dream about  3 things.I do not know why.They come alternately.The first one since I was a kid is I always dream bout I am able to fly yet I always find some difficulties.Sometimes there will be some random people chasing me and I try to escape from them by flying.Funny.At first I thought the dream would fade away as I am growing up but I was wrong.It still haunts me.Next is there is someone constantly appear in my dream.The same person.Is it a sign or I am thinking too much of it?I will start to feel so touched by the presence of that person.I want to beg to the person don't go but my mouth is shut and I will start to have mixed feelings.Missing the person,glad that the person comes,angry and at the same time I am so sad.I do not know why.If I woke up after that dream,I would feel confused and thought about it the whole day.It happens automatically and I want to have that person at that moment by my side badly.It is impossible yet I still long to have that person by my side.The effects will continue for about a week before it slowly starts to fade away.Then I will start to dream about it again.I think I am crazy.The last dream is I always dream about something terrifying. Yes terrified not scary.Terrified is the correct word for it.For example last night I dreamt I in a  swap,the water was as dark as night and I knew there were crocodiles in the swap.I was so terrified by the situation.From far I could see a big dark crocodile went into the swap to get me.Another one is I was in a forest, a dark forest with dim light from the sun and there was a big snake came for me.Oh I also dreamt I was at the river bank and I saw a big crocodile at the river bank as if it was waiting for me.In real life,I am not scared of those creatures but in my dreams,they give me goosebumps when seeing their size and being in those situations.Having these three consistent dreams over time I feel like there are hidden meanings about the dreams.I want to find someone who is capable to end my bad dreams.Are you the one?

I see future

You know,I am tired answering people questions regarding my financial management. They ask me when will I buy new car, a house and getting married.Yes I do have the ability to grab all those things but they are not in my plan. I have my own plan. I am not even shaken when my friends now start to buy assets.Listen to this my grandchildren.Once you make a bad move in managing your financial,you will be forever tied and you cannot progress. You will end up doing the same routine for your entire life.Maybe at first you will find it hard to resist the temptation but hear me out.Don't grab all those things yet unless you really want to settle down at your current state of life.For me, I really do not want to settle down now.This is not the life I want.I want to work in an environment where people around me have something in common.Since I was a kid,I asked myself what I really want.Is this the life style I want to spend for a long time?A big NO!!!I have made my mind after I've been thinking for so long.I want to pursue my study to a higher level.At first I had a dilemma to choose between 2 years programme or 4 years programme.I asked myself whether I can handle the pressure and give commitment to it.I think the best for me is 4 years programme.As long as I have my master,I can get out from this environment.I need to have it to achieve my dream.So I will enroll it next week.

The girl...

Recently I kinda like this song...Sad I guess but beautiful.

Life only favours the brave

Hello my dear grandchildren.It has been such a long time since the last time you heard from me.So many things have changed.I just dislike it because I hate changes in life.Sometimes I like things to remain that way so that I do not lose anything. You know the saying "If you win something, you are actually losing something".I believe in that.You know,there are things in my mind which I rarely recall them because I do not want to change them.Everytime you recall something,you are adding things to it without you realising it.You know you are regretting over something when you wish you could turn back time. If only I could at least changed the course of my life like meeting myself in the past.I want to talk and advice to myself in the past the do's and the dont's.I think my past self would listen to me because I know myself really well.Some advice would be Keep your promises or you will regret it forever because you do not have forever. Be more confident with things that you are passionate or you will regret. Don't you dare to think you can bare the consequences!!! Have some faith in yourself Do not start it!!! If only I could... The furthest thing is the past...Everyday it becomes further and further

Forever love

As I was sleeping,I listened to random songs on my mp3.Suddenly a song played which made me remembered those days in my life.The song perfectly describes my dreams,my feelings and hopes.I used to wonder about my future.So now it is becoming clearer but the feelings are there.Never change and the song makes the feelings amplified.Bitterness,sweetness and emptiness all mixed together as they are talking what the future holds.I cannot listen to the song when I am driving.It will definitely drift me away.How I miss my good old days with friends and the life there.Eventhough it has been about 7 years, you are still beautiful and talks to me.You are a master piece. You do not have to say a thing.

Another day but unlike any other

So there were A and B. Together they went through thick and thin for an X period. Quite a journey they had.A was there by B's side.One fine day,B met a new alphabet. It is C.B just met C.The best part was B judged C was way better than A in a very short of period.Very short.So A walked away because A has other important things to do rather than wasting time playing the game of unfairness.A is really serious.To A, I am sorry for that.People change.Accept it.U did your best so no regret.Don't be so evil by comparing B to D,H,F,N,G.Every alphabet is unique.It depends on how U use it in spelling.

Anti you

Old enemy

So I was away for almost 3 days without doing my daily routines. I had thought so many things about my life.Basically I will not stuck here forever.So next year I want to further my study. Yeah it is quite hard but I have so many reasons to keep me going through.So while I was thinking,I had stumble my old passion.It is the piano...It happened accidentally.I really want to play the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. I wish I could turn back the time and started all over again and this time I make it a success.

It's raining now

Hi,how are you?Such a long time since my last visit.Now I'm back.Sorry for leaving you so long.So I guess now we will be leaving together just like we used to.I can see you have grown up.I'm sorry for making you growing up even bigger than before.I promise to take care of you because from now on I will regularly visit you.I thought I had found your replacement but I was wrong.I will try to enjoy your present.Well well well, look at you.You are covered with dirt.Come let me dust you off.From now on,I will always take you with me.Hold you tightly as if we are one.Be with me until my last breath.Sorry heart,you have no right to live.Go and disappear slowly.

What's next?

So tomorrow is supposed to be my first pay day after working for 6 months. Yeah I am working now. Time flies so fast. It feels like just yesterday I had my last lecture.I am an adult now.Normal people at this point of life begin settling down and gathering piece by piece to complete their lives.My innerself cries inside that this is not the stage where I should settle down. My innerself says this is not what I want.I need to keep on changing my life.I do not want to get married at this point of my life. I am not satisfied with my life now. The best sign where I knew this is not the life where I've been dreaming of since I was a child is I still feel empty and lost.
What is life for me?I dream to settle down with my wife in a quite place. Outside, I have many good friends who have the same passion with me.I do not feel empty and lost.Do you know my routines are almost the same everyday?I do not hang out with my colleagues since we have different passions and interests. I cannot wait to get out from this lame life.
Arghh...I'm going crazy with this situation. So I have made my mind to keep myself busy doing things yet they do not involve other people into my life. I plan to have my own gym and punching bag.I want to buy those after receiving my payment tomorrow.
If this is life,why do I feel so empty and lost?

Forget a man like me

Cicit

Cicit...I am sick... :(

Me no money!!!

I know I am poor when: 1. Do not have money to buy a new toothbrush 2. Counting money whenever wanna buy little treat like chocolate 3. Treasure coins more than ever 4. Do not have money to buy face wash 5. Start imagining good food before sleeping 6. Do the same routines over and over again 7. Heart starts to beat faster when paying for food 8. RM 3 can leave a huge impact in the budget 9. Do not top up handphone for such a long time 10.Postpone my plan to explore the state

Are you?

Why are you so easy to go?Hope he has changed.You are awesome.Remember that.This left shoulder...I cant really finish it...Sorry

Ouch

I'm dead serious

Tomorrow I'm going to a camp for 3 days. So I wanna give you this song. It is an old song. Though it is not really nice yet the lyrics are good.

6 years

Yar 6 years more to go until I am fully alive. For now I am just half alive. I do not want to build anything or achieve dreams which I have have planned them since I was a kid. Yup I have been keeping many dreams since I was a child. I really want to fulfill my dreams badly. Why 6 years?It is because I hate my life right now. I want to improve my life.It is so unstable to start anything before 6 years. Lame people,lame surrounding,lame life. So what should I do right now?I just follow the flow but at the same time I have prepared myself to achieve my dreams. I am so happy whenever I think about my dreams. You know,when I am down I will always thinking about them. They motivate me so much. Can't wait for it!!!

Motivations

Hello my dear grandchildren. I miss you so much. You know, when I'm feeling down, there are things which never fail to comfort me. I want to share with you the things so that you will find things that can comfort you when you are down. The first thing is thinking about my salary. I keep counting my salary just to comfort myself. Then I start to budget my spending. I'm thinking about my plans. Ah...It really does comfort me up to 75-80%. Owh then I start to think about having my own room. How will I decorate it according to my own style. The comfort level would be around 75-80% too. The next thing is I'm thinking of having my own bird aviary. I plan to the details such as how big it is, the budget,what type of birds I want to put inside, how to decorate it and many more. The comfort level would be up to 90%. I really can't wait to have my own aviary. I think I want to spend quite a big sum of money just to build it because that is my dream since I was a kid.
I can't wait to get my job conformation because I want to reformat things which are very wrong happening at my workplace.

It is 2

Hello my grandchildren. It has been a long time isn't it? I was quite busy and now I have time to tell you something. When you have someone in your life, you will have some issues because it involves 2 people. 2 people when in something for sure they will have some different point of views due to different brought up and experiences. So what can you do? You need to tolerate and adapt yourself. Many people do it wrong when only one side does it. You have to respect and give credit to your spouse when he or she tolerates with you. It is something big you know when your spouse tolerates with you and as I said before you also need to play your part. Do not abuse it because when it happens, it only benefits one party. Relationship is about two people being happy together.

Oh, when you are angry or you have some misunderstandings, it is always better not to raise your voice or dominate the talk. It is so wrong when you talk without giving chance to your spouse to explain. Many people do it wrong when they only know how to talk and never listen. They expect people to have the same point of view with them and cannot accept if his or her spouse have other point of view. Do not brag the same thing over and over again. Slow talk is the best. Remember that.

You shall not bring up things in the past. I mean mistakes which happen before the current misunderstanding happens. It only makes things worsen and also complicated. The past is the past. It is considered settled after sorry word is uttered and your spouse change the wrong behaviour.

Always respect your spouse no matter what because she or he also has feelings. Treat her or him like you want yourself to be treated. Many people do it wrong when they want people to treat them right but at the same time they fail to do it. It is wrong.

Appreciate your spouse. I do appreciate mine. :)

Going back

I'm going back to my hometown this midnight. The first thing I want to see is my cicit!!! I miss him badly. I heard he grows naughtier. I can't wait to see him with his new spouse. I will train his spouse to be tame if possible. Can't wait to see him!!! I think he is missing me.
Now I need to pack my stuff and clean my room before going back. I am so lazy to do those chores. Ahh...If only I had a magic power where I can command my chores to be done themselves, my life would be perfect...
Now I'm listening to someone who is playing with a robot.The robot is creepy if you ask me. As if it was a real human.
Back to the topic, I am going back at 12 a.m. Why 12 a.m? Because the highway wont be jammed and hopefully we would not be stuck for hours in traffic.You be good okay when I am away.
On this coming Sunday, I'm going to my sister's place. There is a stall there with delicious delicacies...Ahh...I want to indulge myself with delicious food from Northern!!! I am sick and tired of food from Southern. They are tasteless..haha..
Sorry if I offend the southern people but you gotta know that your food is lame... You know, when I am here I eat just to survive. Not to indulge me...Can you feel the pain?
Haih...I need to pack my things already...Come and help me will you?

Hey there

Why the sentimental part comes to me right now? What am I so afraid of? They say people are afraid because they do not know.I always kill my fear by learning things that I am afraid of. I can't never learn the future that is why I am afraid of the future. Thanks for everything. You know, I never talk to anybody about this. I do not want to appear as a weak person. I always want to be strong. As strong as I can be. I feel awkward if I tell somebody I am afraid of something. Hopefully everything goes just like I've planned. Hey, I got a plan. You want to know what's it? Come closer...I will tell you...The plan is...haha..I'm lying... I do not want to tell you about it. If I am going to do something big, I make it as memorable as I can...
By the way, when I am not sure about something, I am a bit fragile. I will analyze every single thing to find clues about what is happening. That is why actions are very important to me. If I still do not have clues what is happening, I make my own conclusion based on past experiences. If the experiences are good, then my conclusion will be good.
Why am I writing this? I also do not know why...

Dilemma

I am in the state of where everyone is blaming everyone when bad things happen. I find it funny because I do not know who should I believe in. You know, I always try my best finding someone to look upon when I am doing something. That person will be my bench mark and I will do my best to be like him or better than him. When I have problems or encounter difficult situations, I want to solve something by thinking how the people I admire would tackle the problems.
Now, I do not have anyone I can look upon. When everyone is blaming everyone, they actually reveal their weaknesses and show immaturity within themselves. I do not know who is right and who is wrong. I do not know the truth. So what should I do? I start to isolate myself but at the same time they cannot touch me. I will protect myself from being used by both parties. I do not want to involve in lame drama. I am passionate about my career not politics or lame drama. I do not have time to participate in lame drama. I will watch the drama as my entertainment when I am bored. I do enjoy watching people destroying each other because of their ignorance. They thought they knew everything. I am too lazy to make things right because they are older than me and I expect them to be wiser than me. Funny people.

Impress me

Hello dear. It has been quite awhile I stop writing. You know when you are working, you barely have time to do things that you like. I have many things to share with you about my friends at work. Actually I don't really regard them as friends. They are more to people who I work along, not more than that. If they are my friends, for sure I would have contacted them even after work. My contact with them ended after working hour. Eh wait, I am not really hang out with them even during my working hour. Usually I will just hang out with them when I have things to discuss regarding my job. Not more than that. I spend most of my time alone listening to mp3 and completing my work.

Am I snobbish or do not know to socialize? I am a highly socialize and talkative person but I choose my friends. I do not simply hang out with some random people just because they are working or studying at the same place with me. I will put some distance with people who I do not find any chemistry with me. It is better that way rather than pretending you are comfortable with them but deep inside you are cursing them. I find many of the people at my workplace like to talk rubbish and crack lame offensive jokes. They like crack lame jokes about sex and cursing each other then they laugh full heartedly. When I am in the middle of them, I will show my serious face and do not even grin. I hate that type of jokes because it shows they are not so clever. I enjoy clever twisted jokes but first they have to gain my respect so that I know they are not stupid. Those people are far away from gaining my respect yet they crack that kind of jokes. It leads me to isolate myself rather than socializing with them. You know, they are not really committed to their work. They like to do their work late. Let say they have 1 hour class, they often enter 15-30 minutes late. So how on earth I will respect them?

You know, I like to judge people by I pretending I do not know many things. So they will talk as high as they can and also use bombastic terms in order to impress me. I will play along by giving them my impressed face like "wow, you are so good". The more I do that, the more motivated they will be. I rarely find people who know many things yet they stay low and not boosting themselves. They only show their expertise when problem rises. Usually when I am having breakfast, I will meet them at the canteen. They will start boosting themselves and do lame jokes. 2 days ago when I was having breakfast, the cycle started. One of them started talking about his skills of fishing and the other one started to talk about computer. Then came the headmaster asking me about what kind of sports I can play. I didn't say I can't play, I just said " I can play but not really good at it". For me, if I am a good at sports that the headmaster mentioned, for sure I would be a professional athlete not a teacher. So the rest of the teachers started to brag how good they were. I was very close to shout in their faces "show me one thing that you are really good at, and I can do better than you". They talked about things which I had done and good at. I found it very lame that's why I rather said I did not know...

I think that is enough for now. I do not like bragging things. I have work to do but I do not want to do...Hahaha...I am waiting for someone to motivate me to do it...

New life

Good evening dear. Now I am working. Far away from home. I feel slightly funny because I somehow miss my college life. I miss my friends and things we used to do. Anyway I have no regret because I have done many great things together. So now everybody has their own life. To gather every single person together is next to impossible but hey, that's life. Remember we used to do many crazy things? I keep our memories in songs so everytime I listen to the songs, I will remember them. I wonder will we still be the same when we meet next time.
Now back to the present. I play a lot. Seriously but when I am doing something because I get paid, I will do it my best. I would like to express my gratitude to God because you give me what's best for me even I am such a bad person.
Oh before I forget, at this moment I am really in love with voices of two women. They are Laura Shay and Karolina Komstedt. They have great voices.
OMG. Karolina Komstedt just accepted my friend request!!! I am so happy....YEAY!!! Hahaha...
Okay I am off to do something. Be good k...Bye2 dear

Fever

I judge people.Yes I do. I say exactly what I mean. When I say I will, I will. Mostly I judge people by their actions rather than their words. How far would you go when you say you would do something? You know, when you promise to do something, I wait for it. I see you have chance to do it and after it is gone, you come to me and say you cannot fulfill your promise due to some difficulties. It is not I cannot help you, I just want to see your effort to make it happens.
Yeah...You really go. I feel so insignificance. Compare my effort to make things right with yours.If I were you, I would never go even you ask me to go. Now I see your weakness. Easy to let go. Okey then. Things won't work if only one person wants. You have set me. You lead I follow.

A small step

Good evening my dear grandchildren. I just being informed about my posting result. The state is far away from my house. About 600km. I do not know what to think now. It feels bittersweet. I am eager to start a new life yet at the same time I have to leave the past behind. I can't barely look at my 2 lovely pets. I have to leave them behind for their own good. For sure I will miss them so much. If everything is right, I will bring them along after I am stable in the new state. Oh yeah, I will bring my desktop along. I hope I will have access to the internet as soon as possible. I need to find a house to rent and new clothes. Thank to the 8 months of holidays, I gain weight like a boss. The greatest fear is I think I have forgotten what I have been trained for. Arghh..

You ought to know

Hey there...I am writing this post for my future GF (if I have one later). You know life between two people is hard. It needs consistent toleration and understanding between two parties. If one party only has those, it will become a problem because it is called abused. I let you to know some of my thoughts and behaviors so that we are not going to fight because fighting is a micro crack which later will lead to a major crack.

First, thank you for letting me into your life. I really appreciate it. When you are with me, I expect you to give your best shot because I do that.I always want to do the best so that I do not regret if something bad happens in the future.

Do not lie to me. Once you lie, I will not trust you anymore. I begin to feel everything you tell me after that is another lie. Believe me.

If you have someone better, tell me. I will not holding you back because you deserve the best to spend your life with.

Do not yell or scream or what so ever when you are angry. It leads me to lose my respect to you. Yeah, you can be angry but tell me properly because I will understand.

Do not be so cold when you are sad or angry because I take that as an indication you are not interested anymore. I will walk away. I am not a beggar who will beg for something.

This is slightly embarrassing but I have to tell it. Make me feel important.

I respect your interests so I expect you do the same.

Am I asking too much from you? As time goes by I will learn about you more and more. I hope I wont lose respect to you because there is a saying says that "the more you know a person, the less respect you have to him.".