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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

A bit of me

Yea tomorrow I am going back to my hometown. I can't wait to do things that I enjoy doing. You know since I was a kid there are things that I keep doing them till I grow up. I come from a village setting environment so I grew in that environment. Enjoy doing dirty things for some but for me they are fun. Fishing, playing in mud, hunting birds all those things entertain me till this moment. Can't wait to do things together with my friends. Sometimes I am not sure whether we are brave or just plain stupid. Now I am trying to finish up my assignments so that we can enjoy ourselves later. I am pretty sure you guys will not read this but hey that's my point of writing this. I do not like people who are closely related to me know what is going on in my mind. I am secretive. Oh by the way, I learnt a lot of new things. The problem is I do not know with whom should I share my new knowledge. People around me here are not really appreciate the knowledge that I just learnt. That is so sad. I hope I will find someone who really appreciate what I've learnt even though the knowledge is not significant for her but she is willing to listen to widen up her knowledge. I love new knowledge even I do not really will use it but it is for the sake of expanding and enrich myself. I am off to bed now. Are you the one?Good night

Monday, November 24, 2014

From cat to New Zealand

Hello my little grandchildren.It has been awhile.Actually I have 3 assignments needed to be completed but since I am not feeling well I think I should rest and do something without require much thought.So here I am writing this for you.Today I am going to share with you my weird experience when I was having my dinner.I had my dinner around 7 p.m.I went to the same restaurant everyday and ordered the same food.Haha...I have this behaviour for almost everything.I will do the same thing and eat almost the same food everyday.It is not I am a dull person but just for the sake of convenient.So that day when I was waiting for my food, a wild cat appeared.It gave me an adorable stare and started to play around my legs.I hated cat but at the same time I wanted it to be happy.So I let it play around my legs and it started to climb my leg to be on my lap.I thought it was really hungry.I said to the cat ( ya I am a bit crazy because I always talk to animals) "wait for my food,I will share it with you". The food arrived and I gave a chunk of chicken to it.Do you know what happened?It didn't give a damn and started to stare and me.I think it said to itself "Do you think I am hungry?I do not want your food human". 

It stared at me for a long time while I was eating.I think the cat was retarded.After I finished eating and heading to my car,it slept on my chair.So the conclusion is the cat was retarded.

By the way it has been awhile since the last time I had my vacation.I should reward myself after finishing my master.I wanna go to New Zealand badly. This is my picture when I was in Japan visiting my sister there.

Now I want to go to New Zealand...

Friday, November 7, 2014

Motivation to myself

In three days I will have a major test for one of my subjects this semester.I am so lazy to study.I do not know really why but I started to feel it since yesterday.I have to keep saying the golden sentence to keep me on track.Now I will say it here."Do you really want to be a farmer?If you do then go to study!!!".Yea my dream is becoming a farmer.One day I will have a piece of land which I can build my own farm.Every time when I am tired especially after class,I will imagine about my farm.I smile and I know I am one step closer to my farm.Can't wait for it.Now I am going to study.See you later

Monday, October 6, 2014

The reality

How long will we go like this?I'm pretty sure the end is so near.Please go now while I am still strong.I can take it at this moment but who knows what lies in the future?I  preoccupy myself with so much work to forget.Whenever I feel pain I do my work.Well I guess it is a good way to channel my negative energy rather than lay down and do nothing besides mourning from the beginning of the day till night comes.Thanks to it I have read so many journals and notes even for my next classes.So tonight I am going to read notes for my coming test.I do not know why but I miss the things that cannot be repeated.In other word,I miss the old moments.How stupid I am to miss those things.The present and the past.How funny.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

My next move

What would you get when you revisit the old memories?Pain.I am not really wise revisit my old memories.Songs,pictures,videos make me remember every single thing that I want to forget.How stupid I am to revisit the old memories.I am sorry about everything that I did back then.To all of you.I am now a better person than before.After thinking deeply as usual I found out that I am always better on my own.Perhaps I do not have luck to share things which are mine.So what are my plans?Finishing my master and then I am going to pursue my study to higher level.With this so much time I think I have no problem to complete both of them in 7 years.I am worried if I have nothing to fight for.I will start to do stupid things if I have so much free time.That's why I need to preoccupy myself.
By the way,I need to learn saying the right things in the right manner.I do not think the way I said things before was rude but some people could not accept it.I just stating the facts but some people feel offended.I need to follow my idol.He said the right things according to the people's level.I need to learn from him but the problem is he's dead now.I only can read about his history from the book.I don't think normal people could understand the way I think because I am not normal.Few people will understand and trust me but to find those few is really hard.If I don't find one of them I will have to travel alone.I am so sleepy right now.See you again.I hope you have the chance to read this.I love you so much my grandchildren.

Friday, September 12, 2014

I knew it

Hi my grandchildren.It has been awhile right?Do you miss me?There are so many things I want to tell you.My life has changed so much.I am not sure whether I am happy or not with the changes.First of all is I'm pursuing my study to higher level.I want to make a difference in my life.Everyday I spend 2 hours to study.It is indeed the biggest thing in my life since during my school days up until my degree years I never be this dedicated.I do not want to repeat the same mistakes I did when I was younger than today.Oh about my half side.I still do not find luck in it.Perhaps you wont be able to read this since your existence is not possible in this situation.Why am I feel heart broken more than the other half of me?The other half of me is the one who made the problem but I feel the pain more.Okay enough of talking about it.I cannot wait going back to my hometown and do what I do best.Where do I see myself in the next 5 years?A very tough question.I want to leave my current job and find some other challenging job.I am easily feel bored doing the same routine everyday.I also want to travel the world.Seeing new things and learn from them.I really want to go to New Zealand.The country is so beautiful.I do not mind travelling alone.Hey,I am so sleepy now.I should go to bed.See you again next time.Good night.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Maybe it is true

I currently listen to this song a lot.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The unhappy me

I do not feel like writing but I have to write it down so that I wont forget.Well what I can say about the new environment of my workplace is I'm still adapting.Learning the routines and also who are the player makers there.I notice one thing.Everyday I drag myself to shower and to work.Nothing beats the happiness of going back from the workplace but the happiness only lasts for about 3 hours after I reach home.When it is night again,I start to feel really unhappy about I have to go to work again tomorrow.I never felt that way before.I am not sure what makes me really unhappy.Perhaps I am still thinking about the products I left at the former workplace.I moulded them and trained them hard for years.Suppose this year end I would start to see them bloom.I feel like I have unfinished business with them.Or perhaps I am not happy with the distance I have to travel everyday.It is quite far.Or perhaps I am not really happy when my routines have changed.I need to wake up earlier than before due to the long distance I have to travel to the workplace.I need to sleep earlier than before.Every night I have to force myself going to sleep early eventhough I am not sleepy.Or perhaps I need to start from the scrath.Everybody is nice there but still I am not happy.Well I guess the saying feeling alone even you are surrounded by people is the worst feeling is true.I think I should focus on my study for 2 upcoming years and I am done here.I am going to change my job.I just need to bare for 2 years more.The only thing that stopping me is myself.Nah I am going to the bed now.See you again someday.Goodbye :(

Monday, July 7, 2014

I hate changes

Hello my grandchildren.It has been awhile since the last time I wrote to you.You know things have changed.I was in a struggle before now I bet I am a bit stable.I got transferred to another place.The moment I heard about the news I was unsure what I felt and what did I suppose to feel.I looked at the bright side to calm myself down.It is funny though because till this moment I feel betrayed.I molded them for so many years and this is the moment for them to shine but this thing happens.Perhaps there is something better for me.It is very unprofessional of me for trying to hold on to the past memories I have with them.Creating a boundary and always feel things will be better if the changes did not happen.I am off to bed now.See you again.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


Good morning my dear grandchildren.Yea it is morning.Around 3.35 a.m while I'm writing this.I do not really have things to say but I have to write because I cannot sleep.So prepare to read.You must read because I have written this.First of all listen to me.Do not try to fish people's recognition and praises.All those things lead to your destruction.Just do what religion says.Yea it is nice to be complimented by others and you will feel on the top of the world.I used to be like that but then I encountered life and death situation and none of the complements I received was able to help me to go through the situation.It happened  a long time ago and since that moment I stopped fishing for it because it is pointless.So sleepy.I cant write anymore.Oh ya tomorrow I need to do my medical check up.Wanna come with me?

Sunday, May 18, 2014

I will always tell the truth

Good morning my grandchildren.I know it's quite late but I want to tell you a story.A short one I promise.So today I went dinner at a random restaurant.Just to try something new.The restaurant was so dull and few customers were eating when I arrived.I like the ambiennce of the restaurant because I just hate a crowded place.Then a waiter came to me with the menu.As I went through the menu,I was impressed by the list of foods.They served western food!!!I did not expect to see it at a restaurant situated in a rural area.I ordered a plate of Spaghetti Carbonara.
The drink came and what I can say is based on the drink itself I could tell the food would not be delicious.Guess what!!My prediction was right.The waiter served me a plate of pale and stale spaghetti carbonara.I did not feel excited to eat it.I took a bite and it was really awful.Too salty with unwanted extra spices taste were torturing my taste buds badly.I wanted to pay for the food and walk away right after the first bite but I felt it was very rude to do that.
So I took several bites and stopped.I went to the counter to pay for the meal.The cook came to me and noticed the leftover was so much on the table.With sweat on his face(yes he sweated alot due to the heat from cooking),he asked me "Was the food nice?".I almost burst into laugh but I controlled myself.I had to tell the truth.So I told him about the food.Deep inside I felt sympathy towards him.He cooked whole-heartedly but the food was pathetic.Anyway I guess telling the truth is the best policy.I told him straight forward because I really wanted him to improve.I do not want him to live in delusion.Somehow it was funny though.Hihi.Okay.That's all for now.I'm off to bed.See you again.Night2

Friday, May 16, 2014

Peek inside

Good morning.Yea it is morning now.So how's life treating you?I want to talk about something heavy tonight but I do not like to reveal my thoughts openly.Should I tell you?Let me think for secs.Okay I have made my mind.I'm telling you since you are my grandchildren and who knows certain things can be used during your time.
First of all I happened to read about a piece of opinion by a well known person among the laymen.So that man was talking about the main reason of divorce is the change of nature where nowadays women have carriers.The writer said women feel secured and do not care really care if they are getting divorce.He also stated that back in the old days,women tried to endure the pain of marriage due to the inability to survive economically of they were divorced.So that is the main reason why the number of divorce is getting higher each year. Interesting thought isn't it?
Do you want to hear my opinion on this issue?I think the writer perhaps saw his mother got beaten by his father but his mother endured it well because the inability to survive if she was divorced by his father.Just joking.Personally I think the main reason of divorce rate is getting higher each year is due to lack of leadership quality of a man possesses.To be more specific the leadership quality that I mean is religion.I happened to have an opportunity talking with an officer who is working in the Islamic Department of the state.I still remember where he said when he conducted 10 interviews for marriage,only 1-2 men who knew the basic of religion well.The other 8 only smirked and scratching their heads.
What do you expect from a man who does not know his own religion to be your leader?I learn my religion so that I know how to react and how to behave because religion is absolute truth.Nah some of people might say as long as they know how to behave nicely then it is alright.Define nicely.Human's laws and cultures are weak.Certain behaviours are considered good in my culture but they are considered rude in other culture.That is why you need an absolute guideline to behave and the guideline would be religion.I do not care whether my behaviour is rude or not even in my culture as long as it is acceptable in religion.
Back to marriage.When the husband or both of the spouse do not really know about religion,when they encounter problems and bad situations they will react based on their limited knowledge or even using their emotions.Limited knowledge and emotions combined and they produce the best recipe to the downfall of a marriage.Yea.Human knowledge is limited.If only they knew what the religion taught them how to react in every aspect of their life,I am sure many marriages could be saved.
I have seen enough of examples of this.So this situation really affects me.It is very hard for me to find a spouse.My colleagues are wondering why am I still not married.I always hear they say " You have a job.Why is it so hard for you to find one?If I were you,I would have no problem finding a spouse".For me,me and them are looking at different qualities of a spouse.Perhaps for them look comes first but for me religion comes first.I let you see the world from my perspective a bit.Let say a girl standing in front of me.They first thing that I would check is her attire.Is it appropriate in my religion?If the answer is no,immediately I will kill my intention to take further action.Okay let's say she wears decently.Now the second thing is her behaviours.It takes so much time for me to evaluate the girl because it is impossible for me to access her behaviours on a short occasion.Next intelligent.Yea the most attractive part in a girl for me is intelligent..I hate small talks.An intelligent spouse is very important because I want to spend my time with someone who I can talk with and asking for opinion.It is contradicting with typical men.The first thing they would check is perhaps the face or the body.Then okay everything is good.Let's get married.You know,I do not think finding a spouse for me is an easy task because usually it takes so much time.I am afraid that maybe by the time I find someone,it is too late for me.
Nah...I talk too much.I am not a good person but finding the right person is important because I want to improve myself.I am off to bed now.You take care.Good night and goodbye.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

U me

If I were you perhaps I would do the same.Who knows.So I won't blame you for everything that happened.Once more I need to unlearn things that I've learnt.It is very hard but luckily I've been through this quite alot of times.How I miss the day when I was innocent and full of dreams.Thinking about the thing over and over again without being tired.It is so funny for me when I remember what I had planned for the future when I was still a little boy.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Lyphard Melody

You know today as I was searching for the right technique for fishing in deep sea,I stumbled across a blog.The blog was very informative but something else caught my attention.It was the background music.Very sentimental and I used to hear it when I was a kid.I was really eager to know the name of the melody.I really hate the blog because it did not state the name of the melody.I rarely love a song but that song gave me goose bump. Nothing drives me crazier than having a song which the title of it is unknown.I cursed the owner of the blog and started my search.I suspected the melody was played by Richard Clayderman so I started the old school way searching for the tittle of the mysterious melody using Youtube.I opened the playlist of Richard Claderman's hits.Darn.It had almost 200 melodies.So I began to listen one by one.As I was listening,I browsed for the way of finding a melody title on the net.Nothing really worked.The pressure was mounting.I went crazier than before.I was so desperate and I even analysed the java script of the blog.Argghhhh.It did not state the name of the melody.Deep inside I started to lose faith in technology.I thought very deep and hard.Ceh...None of my friends were fans for classical music.My last resort was asking for someone who knew how to read the java code better than me and knew useful softwares to help my search.Apparently he also failed because the owner of the blog was really a jerk.He saved the song in HDD server and concealed the information of the melody.Arghhh....While my faith was fading away,at the 163 playlist,I heard identical melody with the mysterious melody.Yeahhh!!!I found it.The mysterious melody was Lyphard Melody by Richard Clayderman.I told my friend that I had to listen until 163 song in the playlist and he said I was crazy.Yea...I am crazy.Persistent is the key to success.I am sleepy now.I have to go.I will sleep with a smile on my face.Taa

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The pack leader

One day hopefully I will be a leader.You know what I mean by that.So when I am the leader I expect you to follow me.Respect me as a leader.I will start to behave like a good leader.I'm preparing myself to lead you to the right path.You be a good follower.I am the one who you should follow.Not other people.Why you should follow other people when I am your leader?I will not take it lightly when you start to listen to other people.Some people must learn to respect that I am the leader and you are the follower.I have seen enough examples in life the situation where follower starts to listen to other people.It leads to destruction.I do not want my life to crumble due to external factor.If you cannot follow my way,then you should not appoint or accept me as your leader.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I am what I am

Hello my grandchildren.How are you today?I know it's a bit too late for me to write but I have to write since I can't sleep.The weather is so hot.It just rained but still the heat is unbearable.So here I am.Years go by but I'm still the same.Things which I did 20 years ago still have my attention.Birds,fishing and farming always fascinate me.When I have to wait for something for quite along time,I can stay still and thinking about those topics for hours!I start making out problems regarding the topics and try solving them and if I can't I will do some researches and if I manage to overcome the problem,new problem will be created.The cycle goes on and on.I really need a spouse who has a deep understanding about my passions or I will be doomed.Ahhh...I cant open my eyes anymore.Too sleepy.I need to sleep now.See you again.Night2

Saturday, March 15, 2014

My inner wish

I have a burning desire.I want it really bad for a long time.It is really personal to me.I want to have aviaries around my house so I need a big compound.That is the main reason I want to buy a big piece of land to build my house.Whenever I'm down or I feel sad  about my work,I will imagine the birds and the aviaries around my house.It gives me strength to endure the boredom at work.It also gives me the reason I want to improve my life.Oh ya,I want to pursue my study so that I won't stay at the same position forever.I follow a page about birds.Everytime I see nice aviary set up,my heart pounds faster.My imagination goes wild.Haha.To put it into perspective,the feeling is the same like you see your crush or you see your girlfriend.So today I saw a nice aviary set up and  my heart went crazy.Do you wanna see it?  

Nice right?This type of aviary will be perfect if I put 2 pairs of Victoria pigeon,1 pair of golden pheasant and 1 pair of silver pheasant.Even imagining it excites me.I must have this kind of set up of aviary!!!Arrrrr....

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Losing is never a good thing

There is something that bothers me so much.The more I care,the more I worry.It is always better to know it just a little bit rather than the whole.Ignorant comforts me.How doom am I?I find it very soothing when following the flow than going against it.Deep inside I hope it will change.Maybe by a miracle.Who knows.Once upon a time,I wanted to dictate the situation but reality brought me very hard to the ground.I lost my hope.I did put good fights yet I lost.If only I knew...I am stuck now.Win or lose at this moment makes no difference.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Gibberish talk

Hello my grandchildren.How are you today?Today I have nothing special on my mind.I just want to talk and talk without any aim.First I wanna tell you that I begin to like cooking again.I'm thinking of making beef sandwiches but the problem is most of the ingredients to marinade the beef are hard to get around here.Perhaps I should cook something simpler like spaghetti bolognese.Very delicious.Oh I also wanna try grilling my own burger.Yesterday I did something very noble.I washed my own clothes but I hate the smell after they dry.They smell so good but the smell suits for women.You know,I really love farming.One of my dreams is I have my own farm.I want to raise animals and also be a part time farmer.I can't really let go my current profession because my brain needs to stay sharp.If I leave it,I will not use my brain alot.That's all for today.See you again next time.Take care...

Friday, February 14, 2014

Half of me is dead

Good evening my dear grandchildren.It has been awhile since the last time I wrote something for you.Here is a piece of advice from me.If you cannot stand the feeling of losing something,never own it because everything will leave you one day.I always practise that in my life.Believe me,I've through alot in order to learn that."It is easy to talk rather than do it".Nope,I am walking my talk.I remember the first time I lost something really precious for me.I felt helpless.I sat down and could not even utter a word because my feelings were all shattered.From that moment, I learnt gradually to restrain my emotions.There were times where my body was shaking and my heart was broken into pieces but my thought refrained me from feeling sad about it.My brain out powered my body and my heart.Usually in that state,my mind will go blank.It shuts everything to refrain my emotions.I'm seeing but not looking and I'm hearing but not listening.Now I am so much stronger.I can handle it well ( I think so).I dare to make such claim because when people around me are sad,I am still stable and not really feel any negative emotion.Just remember,nothing's last forever.Even your breath.There are times where I wish I still have some emotions to express but it make me week.So I guess this is the best state of mind for me to carry my life on.

I feel like I am a psychopath...haha..Don't worry,I am still a normal human being.I'm heading to bed now.So sleepy.Goodnight my grandchildren.I miss you so much.Taaaa

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Life is just a dream

Some people find amusement in wealth,some find it in love and some find it people.If you look deeper,they only bring amusement for awhile.Where are the people before you?Where are the people before them?They also found amusement in those area but now where are they?Can't you feel there is an empty space inside?Nah,I bet you won't feel the emptiness inside because you are too busy chasing things which are not permanent.How stupid people who are too busy for something temporary.Since I was a young boy,I always thought how I would miss every moment of my life.I used to imagine how did it feel to lose one by one people who I cared so much.We start to grow old,older people die.The cycle will continue and yet people fail to see this.They are too busy.Life is really a very short journey.Everything happens as if it is just passes by a minute ago.I used to be a kid now in a blink of an eye,I am an adult.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Counting down

Everybody loves it.Oh wait,not everybody.There are some people who do not love it.I lost so much because of it.The majority takes the left path and few take the right path.I'm with the few.I shall never bow to the majority because I know they are wrong.They are living in illusion of ideal life.They who always chase it shall never at peace.They who just take what they need are very well composed.When you are matured,you will understand everything that I told you.Are you really ready to take the right path with me?The path is so rough since we will go against the majority.I never believe in majority.Make up your mind.Once you have entered,you shall never turn around to reset everything.Yes I am afraid because once you are in,I will learn new things.Those things I cant be unlearned.I do not want something to be done halfway.The destination is far far away.It is better to be alone forever than having something for awhile.In my ideal world,she will never listen to anybody except me.In my ideal world,she agrees to disagrees.I have seen so many people who live in illusion.They are pathetic.I sometimes...

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Being old and being matured are two different things

When I was a boy,I thought adults would behave like they should.I never have been so wrong.I restrain myself from small talks and the result is they said I am such a quiet person.Deep inside I would like to say to them "nope,actually I feel like not talking to you since small talk is your main topic".I can have small talk but first prove to me you are not really meant stupid things that you utter.Sometimes I find it is hard to tell whether they really mean it or saying it  just for the sake of entertainment.How I wish I have some people who I can talk with around here.The latest incident happened today.I occasionally bring home cook food to work.Of course I cooked them on my own.Today I learnt something new from them.It is an embarrassment to bring home cook food to them.It is a sign that you are poor and cheapskate.I really do not understand why do they think like that.Perhaps they are trying to live in style.I bring my own home cook food because I can prepare whatever I want and alter the taste according to my preference.Waitttt....why am I talking about this to you?haha...I also do not know.Nah...I'm going to continue doing my work.Hope you will read this and miss me....hehe...Love you my grandchildren...xoxoxo

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Diamonds aren't forever

Hey there...I really want to be here forever...But I can't...I am running out of ideas...I am afraid I cannot hold on anymore...It's getting away from me...I'm losing grip...I wish you will come to me as soon as possible...I really cant hold on anymore...

Friday, January 3, 2014

A piece of reminder

He who has everything likes to be low profile...He who has seen so much is hard to be impressed...He who knows so much is hard to be fooled...