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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I miss you

How weird my feelings are.You want to go to the West and I'm heading to the East.I begged you to come with me but you refused.So we moved on yet why do I'm in pain?so much...Don't you miss me?Look these scars.They used to be cuts.I healed myself.Look all these patches.They used to be wounds.They were too deep to be healed so I patched them to look fine.Sometimes they ache.What is happiness?Half of me has died since you went away.I'm in a losing battle for a long time.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Japan,here I come

Good evening my dear grandchildren...I am going to Japan tomorrow for 10 days...I remember the first time travelling alone.You know the feeling of guessing what will happen as I reach the destination.Fear not,my sister and my brother in law are going to be there.Let's learn something new!!!Oh by the way,after Japan,I'm going to Thailand in December.You should travel the world when you grow up.See the world,you will be wiser.I'm going to bed now.Love you so much.Good bye

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Do not come

It is true that sometimes I forgot that certain things in my life should be forgotten.I accidentally recall them.I really want them away from me.The names,places,events,the smells,the songs...Everything should be forgotten.They just make me feel so far away and apart.It is life.Nothing can be done.Yes nothing can be done.Humans are so weak.Lose to time.What is the furthest thing in your life?the past... If only I knew earlier...

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Good evening!!!hehe...So how's your life?I really hope you read this even by this time I am dead.At least you have a chance to know about your grandfather a little.Okay for today I want to share with you some embarrassing moments in my life.

1. I went to a mall and took some groceries to the counter.With confident face,I took my wallet and found out I did not have enough money to pay for them.I slowly walked back and put them at the racks. :P

2.I took out my money and handed to the cashier and it happened to be the cashier was a woman.My friends were lining behind me.Then the cashier smiled and started to giggled.I asked her what's wrong and she gave me back my picture. Argghhh!!There was a picture of me stacked in between the notes and my friends teased me as if I purposely did that to flirt...I swear to god,I didn't know about it.

3.I purchased a wrench at a hardware store during a festive day.The shopkeeper made an opening palm gesture and I thought he wanted to shake hand and I shook his hand...Actually he was asking the money. arghhh..

4. I like to listen to songs on mp3 players.So one day I went to a library and listened a good song there.I sang along and sometimes I humming slowly.While I was doing those,I could see people were looking at me.Then I realized I sang too loud...hehe

Enough!!!I do not want to add anything more.It is too embarrassing to think about other incidents...Till then,nite.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Good morning my grandchildren.It is rare for you to find me writing to you in the morning.It is too early to buy lunch right now so I'm killing my time now.But no worries. I'm not going to write something brainless just to kill my time.As I woke up today,my brain suddenly switched to deep thought about the correlation between how people express themselves in the past and in the present.You know,I do feel tired seeing people sharing food on the social network.What's the point of sharing every meal you have?Then I see the pattern.People tend to share more about food which they consider luxurious and expensive.Are they trying to establish that  they are rich and well fed so they want to let the world know what they are eating.I am not talking this without any proper observations.I watched two documentaries about two poor societies and how they behaved for hundreds of years have similarities with what some people are doing right now.So the first one is a society in Africa ( I am sorry I cant remember the tribe name and the specific nation) has a belief fat woman is beautiful.Life is hard at there and when a man wants to get married,he will find a wife who is fat because it symbolises she comes from a wealthy family and well fed.So every mother feeds their daughters to be as fat as possible hoping they will end up marrying men who are also come from rich family.They force feeding the children as early as 5 years old just to get as fat as possible so that people would think they come from a wealthy family.In short,they want to express themselves as a rich family through what they are eating.They have a good life,eat well till they are fat.Identical with the present day where people do the same but in the modern way.
Okay finish with that society and now I want to talk about another one.Deep in the jungle in Indonesia,there is a tribe who is still practising pagan ritual and lifestyle.As you know,life is hard there so there is one interesting custom which has a similarity with what modern people are doing.The tribe hangs the skulls of cow and buffalo in front of the door of their house.They do that to show to other people that they are rich and can afford to have meet on their plates.So what is the similarity with modern people?You think about it.I am out to have my lunch.Too hungry right now...Arrr...See you again...bye2 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The first and the last

It has been quite along time I went into silent.So today here I come.So many things to tell but so little time.Hello my grandchildren.I miss you.A lot.Today I went out with a colleague to a tackle shop.Going there was his idea and I just followed.The funny part was I was the one who paid for everything.Even at the restaurant.Phew...I felt like I'm going for a date with my wife where I have to support everything.The difference is he is not my wife.I am not complaining about it but I just want to teach you the art of socializing.When you go somewhere where you and your friend have the same interest in it,the best you should do is spilt the cost together.I felt it was kind of pathetic when he who is a fully grown up man yet still failed to practice that behaviour.He really lacked of it.What made it more pathetic when he usually bashes the other colleague for failing to do so.He didn't realise his mistake.That would be the first and the last time I would go out with him.You know,I always love to travel alone.Even going to a very far place,I will travel alone but that can change if my best friends are around.They know what to do.I won't be stingy around them because they are the same with me.Since I do not have my best buddies here,so I will keep travelling alone.Thanks to him,that event reminded me the reason I hate mean I hate people who do not behave like they are suppose to.Yea.I am easily annoyed by misbehave people especially those who are stingy.I feel pity to them and to avoid  unnecessary confrontations,I put distance.By the way,I am planning a fishing trip this coming weekend.Guess what,I am going alone.I would love to spend my time alone since I do not have people who are really worth to spend my time with.My colleagues always ask me to go out with them,I would love to but the thing that keeps me from doing so is their behaviours.Talking bad about each other,small talks and boosting around.Those thing make me feel uncomfortable.Yea,you can small talk with me but you have to prove you are not an idiot at the first place.So that I know that you are joking.As I am writing this,they are still fail to prove it.I do not want to involve in small talks with them.Am I bad?I do not think so.I am picky when it comes to friends.Friends are actually defining you.
Enough of talking whining.Now I want to tell you my little fishing trip.I plan to book a hut in the middle of the sea where usually people go there with friends but I am different.I am going to stay there alone fishing. I believe in the principle "It is better to be alone than spending your time with the wrong ones".Wew.I can't wait this coming weekend.Now I am going to bed.I am pretty worn out.See you later.Bye2

Sunday, September 15, 2013

you me

Oh...I found a new song which reminds me the old days of me.When I was young,I was full of hopes and expectations.I always dreamt of living in a cold place,me and my wife,away from people and grow old together.Back in the old days,as I listened to good songs which mostly sad songs with grief and expectations in the lyrics,the dream became very vivid.I could tell it in details.But now,the reality begins to bring me down.How I really wish it will come true.You and me.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

1 year 8 months

Good evening my grandchildren.How are you today?It has been awhile since the last time I updated this.You know my grandchildren,when you grow up you will meet many kinds of people which so called friends.Some are true friends and some are not.For me I have few friends who are really reliable.Others just come and go but true friends stay.I am not a  person who can be considered as friendly.When meeting someone new,I will stay back and relax.I do have few conversations and at the same time I judge the person.When I see some similarities,I will start to be friendly gradually.By doing this,I have succeeded to differentiate between friends and people who will leave no memories to me.You know,it has been a year and a half I'm here yet I do not find not even a friend.I only found people who are insignificance.There are few people who share some similarities but they are not really passionate about them.They just do it because of other people do it.Yes I am very picky when it comes to pick friends because once I find one,I do not mind to do anything for them.Damn I sound so gay!!!But that's the truth because it is worth it.How I wish I could find a true friend here.I am seen as anti social due to my daily routines here,but if only I found a true friend here,that would change completely.I still remember those days where I had so many friends around.Everyday was a good day for me.No one told me how monotonous life would be when I am working!!!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

11 days

Hello my grandchildren.I was sleeping just now and suddenly I woke up because I heard a song which reminds me so many things in the past.Yea I have the habit listening to song while I am about to sleep.It calms me down and makes me think about my dreams.There are two powerful things which are very effective to take you to the past.Smell and song.I prefer keeping my history in songs.Through songs,they convey the right words and feelings.The melody tells you the feelings.The lyrics tell the story.I usually judge people to see whether they are happy or sad through songs they listen.And in some cases,I measure their intelligence too.It has been 11 days I left you.You were one of my biggest mistakes in my life.But I am proud to make the mistake because I learn something from you.Come to think that,I was so stupid to put myself in that situation when I was young.I put so much effort to make the mistake.Now I have to bare the consequences.I am matured enough to face the world without you.
It is kind of funny though when more and more people are complete,but I am here still fitting myself finding the way to feel complete.Perhaps the missing piece of me never ever exist.I need to complete myself.I am afraid I will hurt other people again just like I used to when I was trying to find the missing piece.When you are in the state of mine,you will realise the world is insufficient to offer you the satisfaction.You begin to wonder.You will try to find the missing piece in other things.
People change.It cannot be denied but the changes maybe lead the for better or worse.I see some have changed for better and some changed to worse.Frankly speaking,I do not know what I want.I seem to have the unsatisfied feelings inside of me but I do not know why it happens.
One thing I learn is you can run but it will haunt you from time to time.Okay,enough of my deep expression.Now back to normal life.
I think I want to reward myself because I have left you for 11 days.The reward should not be mentioned  but the result will be visible to others.
To those people that I have hurt,I am very sorry.I really am.Sometimes I wish I could turn back time so that I could make things right.I would kick the young me and tell him not to do all those stupid things.
Okay,I am sleepy right now.I am off to bed.See you again.Do take care of yourself.Till then,bye2

Saturday, July 20, 2013

It is a brag

Good evening my grandchildren.It's 12:37 A.M. It's still early to sleep.Come on.Get up!!!I want to brag.You know not everyone is qualified to give other people advice.I know it is wrong to ignore other people advice but how can you advise someone if you are not doing what you tell people.To put it into perspective,the situation is like a fat man tells you how to live healthily.So would you listen to him?The chance for me to listen to him is slim.I need a fit person to advise me on that.
Now the second brag.Lately,living like an adult with adult friends is sure a boring stuff.There's no more adrenalin rush situation.Come on,though you are old,adrenalin rush is good to make us see life in other perspectives.When you are adult,life is so monotonous.You will talk about the same thing everyday.Talk about work and money.Life's short.When you will get to enjoy your life if you always think about that?I do not mean that you should be irresponsible or a man without plan,but sometimes can you just stop thinking about that?Take a look at your life.Life's beautiful.Go travel.See other places.Do some crazy stuff.You will definitely appreciate your life more than ever.There is a saying about being an adult,"You are not an adult,you just learn to behave in front of public."Well I guess it is true.
Nah...Grandpa is sleepy.I need to sleep now.You know,I'm too old.I wonder what would you react after reading my blog.I hope you also will write a blog to you grandchildren.It is fun.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

One of the kind

Hi my grandchildren.It has been sometimes I haven't updated my blog.So how's your life?Tell me will ya.I am getting older everyday.It is a normal thing.But how old am I?I am old enough to know how's the game will be played.Still I cannot make my decision.There is something holding me back.I am not really sure what is it.It is like a dejavu.Almost everything happens is identical.So I can predict the ending.I've been through the same situations quite a few times and still I am recovering from it.It takes years to completely healed.Frankly speaking,I almost lost my grip of this life.Perhaps I am too old for that.Now let the fate decides for me.As I mentioned before,if it is destined for you,nobody can stop it.So life actually is decided by default and with a little luck,it might change.Am I willing to put my effort to grab the luck?Not sure.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Give me the limerence

When I was a little kid, I always kept telling to myself "I am not going to hurt anybody". It turns out to be a lie.I hurt people and though time passes by,they are still suffering.First of all,the reality of the world is very different from what's in your imagination when you were a kid.You will learn that the world has teeth.It bites you even you do not provoke it.As it bites you,you will feel like breathing when you are drown.Suddenly your only light of hope becomes dimmer every second.You wonder what you have done wrong.It's a cold world.Your only sun has burnt out.The only way to stay alive is to be strong.That is the only choice.Well,you do not know how strong you are until the only choice is to be very strong.
Tik tik tik.And without you realise,it has become a very old history.You feel like it just happened yesterday.It is just so vivid.Everything.Sometimes to tell which one is reality and the past is difficult.No more hurting other people.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Still a very long way to go

My journey is still a long way to go.I need a partner who can tag along very well with me.Talks only about good things,supports my dreams even she has different dreams,well composed and trust my decision.Having intelligent partner is always my desire.Maybe I am asking too much.You know,I always attracted to people who display high intelligent.Beauty comes second.I would love to do crazy stuff but not stupid.So I expect to have a partner who is as crazy as I am.Like going out for unplanned vacation.Imagine this,one night I wake up and decide to go somewhere for a vacation.I'll ask my partner to pack some clothes and just drive to a random place.What a nice life.
You know,right now I feel like I do not belong here.Though I make quite a living here,but deep inside I want to break free from this place.This is not the place I want to be.I am here because I was forced to be.Frankly speaking,I am struggling to fit myself in this place.
There are two types of people.The one who grows in highly motivated environment and the other one grows through pain.Personally I think the one who grows through pain always thrives disregard how the environment is.If you remove motivation from the environment,the first type of people will crumble.So I hope you,yes you will grow through pain so that you will be very strong. 
I always have...

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


It's kind of depressing though when you can foresee the future yet you are helpless.The knowledge that you gain when you foresee the future is just knowledge.

Monday, May 20, 2013

My life recently

Hi my grandchildren.So here I am in this place.You know,3 days ago, I longed to eat KFC till I had a dream of eating it.LOL. Now I really want to eat a piece of cake from Secret Recipe for dinner but the distance from my house to the nearest Secret Recipe and KFC is about 80 KM.The trip will take about an hour due to the distance and traffic flow.Arghhh. I have to postpone my desire once again tonight. Haih.So what am I eating for dinner now?A piece of bread with some milk.It is a humble dinner. Haha.Okay I have some work to do now. See you again my. Tata

Sunday, May 19, 2013

A piece of advice

You and I.We live in two different worlds.Two different leagues.We see things differently.I respect yours so should you.You have your own beliefs so do I.You have your own priorities I have mine.If you insist I should follow you,just bear in mind that you are wrong and I am right.Actually not worth at all talking about this.Just remember,those who are chasing something are the restless.Take a break and enjoy your life.Life is beautiful.

Friday, May 17, 2013

I need a tinker bell effect

It's funny how motivation can change someone's life.It gets funnier when the wrong person motivates you the most.Do you know what is tinker bell effect?It does not happen to me... :(

Monday, May 13, 2013

5 years

I really want to be a bird breeder.I want to breed many local birds species which technically it is illegal but who cares.I really want to save those species from extinct.You know,when you make something illegal,you must be prepared for the consequences but in order to avoid yourself getting into trouble,a perfect plan must be hatched.What if I told you I am working on it right now?In 5 more years,30% of my plan would be completed.It is slow but better move slowly towards the end rather than progressing so fast but stop in the middle of it.I have a big problem if I am a successful breeder.When I have too many birds,I need to sell them but I am afraid the new owners do not know how to keep them properly.I hate seeing animals being mistreated.If there are a person and an animal in trouble,I would have helped the animal first.For me,animals are helpless compared to human.
I have seen so many animal cruelties.Just because they are silence and we do not understand their language,it does not mean they do not feel pain and emotion.If you are incapable of giving attention and fulfill their needs,you better do not keep any animal.You are torturing them.The best way to see whether  your pets are happy or not,just put yourself into their shoes.Will you be happy?Living alone,being kept in cage 24/7,no entertainment at all and eat the same diet over and over again for years?Sometimes I can feel their pain when seeing some stupid humans treating their pets like that.It hurts me alot.
Why am I writing this?I am writing this so that you will know what is my next move for the next 5 years.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Paper which drives people crazy

When life gives me lemons,I'll throw the lemons away,buy some grapes and make grape juice out of it...It will puzzle everybody...Oh,hi my grandchildren!!!I miss all of you alot.Yes I do.Now smile because it is hard for me to miss someone unless they are worth it.Okay for today I want to tell you something.You know when you have grown up and have a job.You will start to have desires.You desire for almost everything in the world.Sometimes you do not even think about something but because of peer pressure,you will buy it.That is the most stupid action in the world you could do.I know a human,eh I am sorry.Not a human but many people like that.Come on dude,if you do not really need it,why on earth you buy it?Do you buy it just to satisfy people who you hate the most?Just remember,they only talk but the person who bear the cost to buy it is you.They do not give you even a penny.
You know,one of the types of people I hate the most is people who fail to budget in spending.Spendthrift.I hate it because usually it will affect people around them.They begin to be stingy to cover their over spend money.
Talking about stingy,I know a person who is stingy.No I am not over judging him.He is really stingy.I am a person who will not count in term of spending my money for friends as long as it is in logical amount but with that person,frankly speaking,even a cent I will count it.I am acting like that because I want to teach him a lesson.
How much is your dignity?100?3k?Why there are people who are willingly to lie to other people because of money?Hmmm...Life is hard but for fools it will be harder.

I am sleepy now.My old bones need a rest.See you again...Do take care yea...bye2

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Years passing by

Yes I do...And it is still the same...When I am introduced something new for the first time,for the rest of my life I believe there is no better than the first time experience  The first time will always be my bench mark.It determines what wrong and right something is.If something is right,it should be like the first time I experience it.It applies to almost everything.The funny part is I will determine which one is the first time.Experiencing something for the first time does not mean it is my first time.You know,when I was young,I knew so many people who I called friends.None of them I considered as my good friends.And one day,I experienced what it is called good friends.That's my first time.So everytime I am looking for good friend qualities,it must at least complete all the criteria.Now the second situation.I tasted a new food a long time ago.Then I came across the same food.I expected it to be the same in term of taste as the first time I tasted it before.The best part was,people around me said the food that I was eating supposed to taste like that.It means the food I tasted for the first time had an awful taste.But I do not care!!!To be right,the food must taste exactly the same like the first time I tasted it before.Even it is wrong.Even when I am eating a food which so called to have the perfect taste, still I long to eat the imperfect food which I tasted for the first time.I miss the imperfection of the food.The imperfection of the food makes it perfect for me.I miss the imperfection.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Stop for awhile.I am here

Suddenly,the feeling of longing for you rushes into my veins.The desire of missing you is explosive and strong.Why???How are you there?Are you missing me like I do?Sometimes I am tired of it and I lie.Deep inside,I wish I could turn back time.I would make everything fine.Everyday you are further and further leaving me behind.Oh God.Every song,every memory I have with you is killing me.I tried to banish them.Buried them as deep as I could...I miss you.

Friday, April 19, 2013

I have a song

You find a great song but you have no one to share it with. At that point you know you are sadder than death.Why am I always being under the knife?

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A past life

It begins with a band.Slowly it will become quartet.Not for long,it will become trio.And without you realising it,it becomes duo.The saddest is solo.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Freak me out

I think I am a person afraid of commitment.Whenever I have friends,I feel my life is complete.Frankly speaking,I do not think I am capable of living a marriage life.It freaks me out to the core.Just imagine,you and me,living together and everything about you is my responsibility.Everyday you and me do things together.You for sure will invade my territory and I am not that good to tolerate...I am not ready for that..huuu...
Oh before I forget,what if I have my mini me.OMG!!!My mini me acquires my attention to grow up.That is a huge responsible.I am really bad at making a long life commitment.I can't imagine how would I handle my mini me.What is my reaction when my mini me talks to me?And he cries for my attention while I am playing game?What if my mini me wants to play with me?What if my mini me wants to play my computer?

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I am what I am

No matter what games I play,how many hours I spend on them,how good my computer is,deep inside I long to play the one and only game.I played it about 7 years ago and now I want to play it again more than ever.Yes I can pretend to be happy with other games but deep inside I know what game I really want.It is you.At the end,I will turn back to you.Don't go away please.I beg you

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I fail

It is quite sad when something cannot be mended anymore when it has been broken too many times.The only solution is put it away and move on find a new replacement or just live your life without it.I have tried hard.Very hard.Never been that hard in my entire life trying to save that thing.So I guess that thing is not really meant for me because it keeps broken.You know how hard my life to find a replacement.Finding it before was a miracle.I need another miracle to happen.It should be you.It used to be "it must be you".I apologize for what I have done before.Now back to my routine life.Just like I was before.

Okay new topic.You know,as you grow old,you will become more and more sensitive.Things which usually you took for granted become important to you now.

Monday, March 11, 2013

You are human

So here I am,walking down this life the way I expected it.What is perfect?Once I read "Do things correctly and the right things will come gradually".Nah it is not happening to me because I do not come across the right things even once.I thought I had understood the game of life very well.Do not ever lie.Once you lied,it is very hard to obtain trust.It takes a long time to build it.I warned you before.When people change for good,do not belittle their changes because it hurts a lot.Sorry I can't write anymore.I have to go now.See you later.Good bye

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Soul ring

You know,there is a favourite item I always buy when gaming. Soul ring...It gives you extra mana but at the same time it takes your life.The item is great for characters which have long life bar.If you have very little life bar,yes it will give you extra mana for a short time but you lose so much life in return.No matter how short my life bar is,I will always pick that ring because it gives me strength to save my teammates even it will cost my life...

Thursday, February 14, 2013

You got me

Good evening to you.This post is made specially for my future wife.I am not sure yet who you are but if I had one,for sure I would love you so much.Thank for being my wife.I hope you and I together we endure all the obstacles together.Thank for making my life easier.Hey I have a song for you.Remember this song?I played it during our wedding day :D

Monday, February 4, 2013

My passion

Hey..You wanna hear a story?
Once upon a time,there was a clan which constantly in wars in order to survive.Their enemies were strong and well prepared.The clan went to wars almost everyday.Day after day,they felt weaker and weaker.They were really afraid they would lose one day.One day,they heard a strong clan,legendary clan wanted to join them fighting on their side.They were very motivated and they won every war they had.Years passed and yet the promised clan never came.To cut the story short,one day they knew the legendary clan was a lie.Someone created it just to motivate them when fighting.At first they were really frustrated but the clan lord said to the warriors "Look what we had achieved when we believed in something even it did not exist.Don't be so down.Heads up and fight!!!".
 -The end-

Why did I tell you the story?I am not really sure why...hahaha...Okay back to the reality,now I know what I really want to be.I want to be a bird breeder.I dream of having my own aviaries behind my house.Lots and lots of variety species of birds.I am not breeding them for sale.It is just purely my passion.What a wonderful life.As I wake up,I could hear to birds chirping and tweeting.They breed...I take care of the chicks...Hand feed them...It is my dream in my dream to breed endangered species of birds so that they wont extinct.I don't mind breaking laws for having them.Laws are made by stupid people who are seeking for profit without considering the continuity of endangered species.Only selected people would be given permission to enter the aviaries.Ahh...Cant wait for it....

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I remain the same

You know as time passes by,the past is becoming further and further.People change slowly yet I am still holding to the past eventhough I know it is pointless.I like living in the past.I had almost everything.It is hard for me to move on and start fresh.I wonder if there is other people have the same thought.Let me tell you something.You cannot love something and hope it wont change.In this world,everything will perish.It is in the matter of time.I am so wrong to have a strong feeling for the past.Living things come into your life,change and die.In this world,do not love something.Just like it,do not take them into your heart.They will perish.Empty your heart,We want to come  in.Many have failed.I do not want to join the majority.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Hi 2013

Hello mu dear grandchildren.It has been awhile since the last time I visited you.Do you miss me?If you are not,then pretend to be so that I will be happy seeing you.Your pretending should start now.Smile!!!Wider...Wider!!!Yea..That's more like it.Thanks for the smiles.You should always smile you know even you are sad inside.Smile conceals your sadness.As you grow up,you will learn that the world has teeth.It will bite you regardless your preparation.Your destiny was written before you were born.Everything.Starting from your first breath till the last.You will find some happiness and sadness in your life.If you have more sadness,then you ought to build your strength from it.If you fail,you'll crack.You know,I've been in a situation where it was sadder than death.I am still in it.I carry a heavy burden for years.Everyday before I am going to sleep,I pray silently for the burden to be gone.I used to believe time will heal everything yet it is still there.At the bright side,it is lessen even the amount of it is too little.Sometimes my thoughts will have duels.I start to question everything.The hardest question to answer is "what if" because the probability is infinite.You will slowly hoping when you have "what if" question,you want the answer to favour you.
When you are unhappy with your life,the best you can do is to make others happy by your presence.The half of me has died.If it is written for me,then no one can take it away. :(