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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Hey there

Why the sentimental part comes to me right now? What am I so afraid of? They say people are afraid because they do not know.I always kill my fear by learning things that I am afraid of. I can't never learn the future that is why I am afraid of the future. Thanks for everything. You know, I never talk to anybody about this. I do not want to appear as a weak person. I always want to be strong. As strong as I can be. I feel awkward if I tell somebody I am afraid of something. Hopefully everything goes just like I've planned. Hey, I got a plan. You want to know what's it? Come closer...I will tell you...The plan is...haha..I'm lying... I do not want to tell you about it. If I am going to do something big, I make it as memorable as I can...
By the way, when I am not sure about something, I am a bit fragile. I will analyze every single thing to find clues about what is happening. That is why actions are very important to me. If I still do not have clues what is happening, I make my own conclusion based on past experiences. If the experiences are good, then my conclusion will be good.
Why am I writing this? I also do not know why...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Dilemma

I am in the state of where everyone is blaming everyone when bad things happen. I find it funny because I do not know who should I believe in. You know, I always try my best finding someone to look upon when I am doing something. That person will be my bench mark and I will do my best to be like him or better than him. When I have problems or encounter difficult situations, I want to solve something by thinking how the people I admire would tackle the problems.
Now, I do not have anyone I can look upon. When everyone is blaming everyone, they actually reveal their weaknesses and show immaturity within themselves. I do not know who is right and who is wrong. I do not know the truth. So what should I do? I start to isolate myself but at the same time they cannot touch me. I will protect myself from being used by both parties. I do not want to involve in lame drama. I am passionate about my career not politics or lame drama. I do not have time to participate in lame drama. I will watch the drama as my entertainment when I am bored. I do enjoy watching people destroying each other because of their ignorance. They thought they knew everything. I am too lazy to make things right because they are older than me and I expect them to be wiser than me. Funny people.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Impress me

Hello dear. It has been quite awhile I stop writing. You know when you are working, you barely have time to do things that you like. I have many things to share with you about my friends at work. Actually I don't really regard them as friends. They are more to people who I work along, not more than that. If they are my friends, for sure I would have contacted them even after work. My contact with them ended after working hour. Eh wait, I am not really hang out with them even during my working hour. Usually I will just hang out with them when I have things to discuss regarding my job. Not more than that. I spend most of my time alone listening to mp3 and completing my work.

Am I snobbish or do not know to socialize? I am a highly socialize and talkative person but I choose my friends. I do not simply hang out with some random people just because they are working or studying at the same place with me. I will put some distance with people who I do not find any chemistry with me. It is better that way rather than pretending you are comfortable with them but deep inside you are cursing them. I find many of the people at my workplace like to talk rubbish and crack lame offensive jokes. They like crack lame jokes about sex and cursing each other then they laugh full heartedly. When I am in the middle of them, I will show my serious face and do not even grin. I hate that type of jokes because it shows they are not so clever. I enjoy clever twisted jokes but first they have to gain my respect so that I know they are not stupid. Those people are far away from gaining my respect yet they crack that kind of jokes. It leads me to isolate myself rather than socializing with them. You know, they are not really committed to their work. They like to do their work late. Let say they have 1 hour class, they often enter 15-30 minutes late. So how on earth I will respect them?

You know, I like to judge people by I pretending I do not know many things. So they will talk as high as they can and also use bombastic terms in order to impress me. I will play along by giving them my impressed face like "wow, you are so good". The more I do that, the more motivated they will be. I rarely find people who know many things yet they stay low and not boosting themselves. They only show their expertise when problem rises. Usually when I am having breakfast, I will meet them at the canteen. They will start boosting themselves and do lame jokes. 2 days ago when I was having breakfast, the cycle started. One of them started talking about his skills of fishing and the other one started to talk about computer. Then came the headmaster asking me about what kind of sports I can play. I didn't say I can't play, I just said " I can play but not really good at it". For me, if I am a good at sports that the headmaster mentioned, for sure I would be a professional athlete not a teacher. So the rest of the teachers started to brag how good they were. I was very close to shout in their faces "show me one thing that you are really good at, and I can do better than you". They talked about things which I had done and good at. I found it very lame that's why I rather said I did not know...

I think that is enough for now. I do not like bragging things. I have work to do but I do not want to do...Hahaha...I am waiting for someone to motivate me to do it...

Monday, February 6, 2012

Tribute to my love

I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I hate myself. You were one of the best things ever happened to me. I never thought I would lose you so soon. I miss you my dear. I miss you so much. I still remember how adorable you were. The way you looked at me and calling me. You never failed to response when I called you. I miss you my dear. Really miss you...Missing you so bad...Remember when you were sleeping and I called you? You wake up and came to me...That was one very best moment...I miss you...Memories always kill me...
I gave my best to comfort you. No more your sweet voice, your adorable actions, your misbehave...I never held anger towards you even you hurt me because I knew you didn't mean that...I miss you...so much...
Now that...you have gone forever...I am hurt...Really hurt...miss you so much...I will treasure every single thing with you...Baby you're the golden girl...No body touches you when you with me..Miss you..