It has been awhile since the last time I wrote here. About 12 more days I am getting married. I do not really know what to expect from it but I hope I can do my best. This marriage gives me a very heavy responsibility because the name that I am carrying. I am not afraid of my partner or the life after it but I am afraid of myself. I am the most evil man I have ever known. I am afraid I would become a bad partner due to my behaviours. I know how evil I am. I do not want to destroy someone else's life. Hopefully things will turn out to be great and smooth. I am doing this for the sake of getting into the elite group. May one day I will be able to say " I regret nothing".
Monday, July 2, 2018
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Yes I am still alive. So many weird things happened to me lately. First of all, I am getting married. I obey the command because I want to be as great as him. Even I have to sacrifice my everything. I wonder about the elites...What did they go through to obtain such position?Secondly, I think I prefer scary dreams rather than sad dreams. Sad dreams can haunt me for days and hurt my feelings deeper. Next lately I have been day dreaming too much. The day dream has the same things and played over and over again. I lose my focus to many times so I want to stop it. This world has a great jolt. Often I am drifted by it because I am too weak to handle myself. I know it is wrong so I need to put an end to it. Finally I realise, the more I get this world, the sadder I become. I tried to imagine I have things that people desire, big houses, a lot of money, nice cars but then at the end I know I am sad because I am missing something. Okay...That's all for today. Good night
Monday, February 26, 2018
It is funny for you to feel you lose something but you do not really have it at the first place. Are you kidding me? There are good people out there. Be strong! and start searching for them. My secrets and my past are very dark. Darker than the night. Be grateful.
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
The waiting is killing me. I am nervous and excited at the same time. And I really want this to end as soon as possible. I can't really predict what is going to happen. Hey, remember this. No matter what is the outcome, always focus on the purpose of this thing. I am here not to fool around.
Sunday, January 28, 2018
While I am feeling strong. I must do my best. Even it takes my life as the cost. I never thought it would turn out to be like this. But again, orders must be obeyed. I do not know what the future has for me, but I am willing to sacrifice. By using logic,I can't go on anymore. I really have nothing. I do not dare to complain. I just accept everything. May one day, I spread my wings and fly away. My life. It is divided into two. One really wants to go to the left, the other one wants to go to the right. I want to go to the right. My name...remember...one day I will be big but I have nothing. I hate myself for being weak.
Friday, November 24, 2017
Of course a normal person like me is afraid of something unknown. I am scared. I have what I prayed for now I have to fulfill my promises.Some of my plans have to change. For a better life. I am afraid of what is laying ahead but hey, I have you. I put my trust in you. I even present my life like I have to. One day, may one day I can be at the same level like the elites then I will utter the sentence " I have no regrets with what I have left behind".
Monday, November 6, 2017
Last 3 days I dreamt of you. In it, I begged to see your face for the last time to bid a goodbye. It was very sad :(. That dream bothered me awak. It hurt a lot. I do not like to be sad. You are the last person I want to hurt. Sorry. I tell no one about my dream. How I wish my dreams could come true. People come and go but the memories with you remain the same. I wonder what are you doing now. Have you replaced me with someone else? I can't replace you. The space here only you can fit it perfectly. You can never be replaced. I knew it at the moment I opened my heart for you.