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Sunday, June 26, 2011

A little more

I want to go out from here.Heh.When I am out, I will be hard to return.I will find a thousand reasons to leave.Thank to you because you shape me like this.If only I can speed up time,everything will be better.

Good morning

Good morning..

Friday, June 24, 2011

Am I okay here?I think you want to know this.

What ever you want from me, whoever I'll try to be, I will never be there, I can't never be him in your society.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

22 days without you

Whenever I want to give up, I look back on how far I've been through without you...And also what I will gain in the future...I miss you so much...

Change from every you to I...Every I to I...Every me to me

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The special night

Hello my dear grandchildren. How are you?Do you know tonight is a special night? It is because I do not play DotA because I am pretty tired. I think because last night I played from 11 p.m until 6 a.m. Then I watched videos on youtube until 9 a.m. Then I slept. I woke up at 3 p.m. I felt slightly dizzy then at 6 p.m I went jogging.
While jogging,funny things happened. I could not run in the pace I usually do. I felt so tired. Then I yawned a lot. I saw everything around me looked odd.After awhile, I realized I was sleepy...LOL

Now I want to sleep already. A pro player knows when to stop. So be pro

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Enough..Listen to my plan

Hye...I cannot sleep yet. So I went through various of websites which were related to my interest. I have made my mind. Before this year end,I want to have a scuba diving license. I have waited for a long time and I think this year is the best time to get it. I have built my stamina and endurance, learnt the correct technique of swimming and I think I am ready. What I need now is just money. I also have made quite intense research about the requirement. So I am ready.

It is hard to find a friend to have similar interest with me so I have decided to go to the course alone. My friends do not see like what I see. Hopefully I will make new friends who have same interest with me.

Why I do this? Ordinary things cannot make me satisfied. :)...

Erm..before I end this I want to say something. Ordinary people see what you did, extraordinary people see WHY you did it...Okay...nite2...bye2

Friday, June 17, 2011

This is my story

So I know this girl. She is a good girl. Very loyal. Always believes in me. She is willing to do anything for me. Yeap. She is one in a million. The problem is....The parents...So I moved on...Because I am not willing to sacrifice the parents over me.Who am I?I am still outsider. Don't listen to me. I have no power. not a good man..Because I will hate people who treat me bad.I even can hurt them.So I can foresee the future.Hard to say but maybe I will end my life like this. Follow your parents' dreams. I am happy with my lowlife like this.

Only I know what exactly I feel. Outsiders can only talk.Take my burden for awhile.I think you will go crazy.

So I pretend like nothing happens. It is so good to be like that unless sometimes when you remember, you will feel a very deep sorrow in your chest makes your heart pounding so slow and eyes watery. But I am a man. Must bear everything without complains. Stay positive in order to survive.

I still remember their eyes rolling at me. Killing me without any word.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Here's for you

The caption is "sometime falling in love is just an illusion".

Erm...I feel like I want to write something. First of all you don't get married if you cannot fulfill all the responsibilities after marriage. You know, if you cannot do that and yet you still get married, you are hurting others especially people who are around you.

Be nice to in laws...Yar..sounds pretty easy..but some people cannot do it.They do not know how to behave because they do not have role models to follow due to the irresponsible father they have. They feel stiff when they want to talk and let go their responsibility to their children. Every single thing is handed down to their children. The only thing they know is ordering around.

Next is be responsible to your wife. She spends so much time taking care of you yet you treat her not the way she deserved.

Now be good to your children. This is the hardest part in your life. You have children and you want to show you love them so do it. Don't be afraid that they will not respect you. They will respect you even more if you pay attention to what their needs. You should know the boundaries.Even the tiniest compliment from parents especially from the dad can change their future. Also do not see your children as you opponent, no they are not. I wonder how come a father could see his children as opponents. Do you realize ho much damage you have done by treating them like that? You children will keep comparing their father with their friends. Yup they will feel sad but as time goes by, they won't feel anything. This is so dangerous because if you are dead also your children won't care. They don't see the significance of your presence in their lives.

Owh..before I forget, today i challenged my endurance once again. Tired!!!I thought I could not make it. I did not look at the target, I just looked down and jogged. If I looked at the target, I would feel it took forever to reach....Psychology only...

Now I am so sleepy...My head feels so heavy...Need to take a bath first or I cannot sleep...Nite2 my dear grandchildren...Take care and bye

Monday, June 13, 2011


Suddenly I feel like I do not have mood to do anything. I want to do nothing. Just now I played DotA and I said to the host " host I want to leave coz I do not have mood to play". He was shocked coz we were leading and controlling the game. So for tonight I do not want to play anything. Right now I am listening to songs which amplify my no mood feeling. I write this because in the future, if I read this I will remember how I feel.

Okay...Right now I feel everything that I do is worthless. I put so much effort you know to come this far. My inner voice asks me to get her, but my conscious says no. You are progressing so good.

Now I feel I do not belong here. I want to go out. I do not want to do the same routine everyday. I mean my way of life. Wake up in the afternoon, playing games, in the evening, go jogging, at night playing games until the morning. The cycle continues and repeated everyday. I do not like it. I want to do something adventurous, adrenalin pump and challenges. If you are wondering why I do not going out meeting my school friends, here is the answer. I do not like my school friends. They like to demotivate others and have different interest from me. If I going out with them, they like to talk about lame things like get laid, their worst actions (the worse the actions the cooler they are) but for me those are not crazy actions but stupid and many more. You know, I do not blame them for behaving like that. Their environment is like that. So I do not like hang out with them. I used to be like that but at a certain part of your life you will realise what you are doing is wrong. So I change.

Hmm...I want go out.But I do not know where...How I wish I could turn back time, study properly and work with company which always travel...

Tired of mumbling already...See you soon dear...tata

Finally I found you~

Good evening my dear grandchildren. How are you today? Well today I am going to share with you my happy feeling. After for a long time, finally I found the song which haunted me for a long time. About 15 years it haunted me. Such a long period of time rite? How did I find it? Well I made my mind to end it today. I went through all the possible albums from the artist who sings that song. Every album, every song and finally I found it..I was so happy and I straight downloaded it.

So because I was so happy today, I jogged non stop today because my mp3 had the song. Owh...I wanted to share with you something regarding my mp3 player. Last two days ago, I went jogging as usual. On the half way, suddenly my mp3 ran out of battery. I was so disappointed because it was a must for me listening to song when doing heavy tasks like jogging or cleaning my room. So I ran so slow, a snail could run faster than me at that time. I felt it took me forever to reach my home without my mp3...

Okay now..sleepy already..tata

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Crap crap crabbb

Good evening my grandchildren. How are you today? Today I'm going to crap a little more to kill my time waiting to join next DotA game. First thing first. I don't eat burgers unless they are from Mc Donald. The reason is ordinary burgers are oily. I feel disgusting and dizzy if I eat them. Mc Donald's burgers are dry and non oily. I have a friend who wanted to treat me a burger but I refused to take it. Then this friend said I am so proud of myself because I won't eat other burgers unless they are from MCD. But I dont care what other people say about me. LOL.
Next is I don't care what people say or talk about me. I've trained myself for a long time not to listen to anyone. Eh2..Actually I do listen to people but the people I listen to must gain my respect and trust. They also must be expert on the thing they want to talk about. Then I will listen. I don't listen to ordinary people. For me, they are nothing different from me, so they don't deserve to be heard by me.. Bare in your mind, if you listen to everyone, you are destroying yourself because stupid people also can talk.

Ya I choose my friends. I know many people but only some of them are close to me. Usually the close friends are really unique. They do not like to talk bad things about others, they are good at something but not showing off, they are being themselves...Wew...These qualities my good friends have...Oh,sometimes they also enjoy doing crazy stuff..Lol

What else? erm...I enjoy travelling..Owh2..before I forget, you know...being optimistic and stay positive are really sexy!!! I saw a person being dragged so down and yet she stayed optimistic and positive..I was like "wow, this is so rare..." Yea, next time if you want to be sexy, just be optimistic and positive.. is hahaha...I dunno d..lazy to write..Wanna play game...see u next time dear...bye

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I think I am strong

It has been eight days. Everytime she is near me, I can feel my body covers with cold sweat. I swallow my saliva few times and try not to think. I hate going out socialize with people because it reminds me of her. But today I went out to meet my friends in a restaurant. That is the most bold thing for me to do because I have many memories with her in restaurants. So I sat down, pretended not to remember anything about her. Suddenly her scent came to me. Oh my god, I missed her so much. I went to the gents, washed my face. After a few minutes, I managed to compose myself. I went back to my friends and continued talking.
Huhu...8 days...The first day without her is the hardest day in my life...But as the time goes by, I feel farer and farer from her...Only memories remained...I cannot totally forget about her. Who knows one day I will go back to be with her..@_@...I let go so many things just for her..Time will tell...

Monday, June 6, 2011

6 days and still counting

Now it has been 6 days..I hope the number of the day will always increasing...

Saturday, June 4, 2011

For the first time..LOL

Good evening my grandchildren...Saturday, June 4, 2011, 2:28 A.M...Yup..I am writing this blog in the middle of the night...I just finished watching a video about how to be slim...Actually it is not a video..It has about 6 videos about it...I did not mean to watch it for at the first place but when I was searching on videos about the right jogging techniques, I came across them...So I spent my time watching all of them..Frankly speaking, those videos are the best videos ever about losing weight because they combine tips with scientific experiments...Almost all mythes and facts about losing weight are tested in the videos...I like it very much...I want those kind of videos about any topics that I search in the future...
It is hard to confess but yes, I am trying to stay healthy and losing weight...I do not like my current body shape and weight...But I'm not going to be on extreme diet or exercise, I just want to achieve my goals in smart ways...Oh yea...Before I forget, I have stopped meeting her...I thought I could never live without her, but I was wrong...If I'm not mistaken, almost 5 days already pass by...I do miss her..A lot...Especially when I come across things that I do with her...My inner desire wants her so bad...But I have made my mind..No more...I used to plan to stop if I was married, but I can see the earlier the better...So I stop now..In the future, I don't know...I do miss her...But I tell no one...~_~
Sleepy...Need to sleep because tomorrow I want to jog early in the morning...Good night...Love u...bye2..

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Am I that sick?

Good evening my grandchildren...You miss me?ya..u miss me...Okay..For today before I sleep, I want to share with you things that I have in my mind. The first one is, I came across a funny situation today when I was jogging. I jogged alone along the river bank. The view was very nice...The distance was about 2 km...So when I was jogging, I came across people who were busy harvesting their paddy fields and also catching fish...Then after finished my first round, I walked slowly to compose my breath back...I heard a motorcycle approaching me and the rider asked me "Need a ride?"...LOL...I felt so shameful of myself and I replied " No...Thanks"...Yea..That guy really made me felt embarrassed...Maybe he saw me walking slowly and thought I did not have anymore energy to jog...
Now the second story...I just watched a real video about genocide happened in the middle east...In the video, there were people who were dying coz their throats were cut...I could hear the victims cried and shouted for help...But the problem is, I did not feel anything...I felt like I was watching a movie...No feelings at all...Many people commented about the video saying that the video was so cruel, they cried after watching...But for me, it was just another video showing people were dying...I think my sentimental part in my heart has been corrupted since I watched too many brutal videos and cold blooded murders...All the videos I watched are real...So I get used to watch people dying...This is so unhealthy!!! So starting from now,I want to restrict myself from watching brutal videos...I mean it..Just for the sake of developing sentimental side in my life, ...
Now for the last story, ya...I do miss you..but I must control myself...Need to be as healthy as a horse...I miss you...really miss you...
Sleepy already...Love u...bye