I am drifting.

How I wish I will just wake up one day and this is just a dream. It has been too long now. I am weak to even carry myself. I need support and advice to keep me on track or else slowly I will start to drift away from my original course. This is the worst time in my life. I have no strong peers neither guidance to help me. It feels like this is a punishment. Thinking back, what could I do if I could turn back my time. Almost none. I did my best and I took almost every opportunity presented to me yet I am still weak. How pathetic I am.

Durian

You know...I have desires to fulfill. Half of me says go for it and the other half says no,you weren't born for those. I think the other half of me is right. I shouldn't be fascinated by this life. Even in my dreams I could feel this world and this life are very sad. Humans are pathetic. Everything that the majority desired is perishable. If I do not want to end up like the rest, I shouldn't follow them. What makes me think I am unique enough to have different consequences when I live like them? How stupid of me.  

2019

It has been awhile right? I now usually keep things to myself since there are things that normal people will not understand or maybe my advice is not compatible to them. You know sometimes I imagine myself having everything in the world. A big house, lots of money and land, fame and every single thing that a human desires. Am I really happy with all those? I do not think so. Everything will come to an end. It will stop the moment I die. What a sad world. There are times when I look back at my past, and  I always feel something deep. Like sad and sorrow. Distant. My past is getting farther and farther. I can't turn back time to re enjoy and fix my past. Even I could do that, still the past is the past. People around are getting older and older. I might lose people I care. Death is lurking me. This world is a sad place to live.