Down we go..strong I arise

Good evening!! I'm so tired right now but I want to write to you something because I don't have other people to go...Only you can be my companion..
Have you ever felt you are not appreciated? Well I have..so many times..At first it was quite hard to live on with that but after you get used to it,you won't feel anything anymore...This kind of situation is really bad if it happens when you are young because you will grow abnormally...You will carry on the personality that you have developed to encounter the feeling of not being appreciated as you deserved...When you are old,your behavior will not be the same with other peers around you..
I believe in a proverb which I created "when you feel pain too much,you won't feel anything even when you are happy"This is so true..I can easily fake my feeling pretend to be sad or happy until my friends and close people think that I really feel what I'm showing..
I tried several times to ask myself when was the last time I felt so happy..but I cannot recall it...all of them are not fully from my heart...I just be happy to ease people...You know what,I have a plan..one day I want to go as far as I could from people...so that I could be alone...I used to feel that I wanted to be alone until the right person came and found me..but that feeling has faded away...From now on,I just wanted to be alone so that no people could ever find me...
I always day dream being in a cold place,live in big house situated on the top of a hill,surrounded by hills and deep valleys,and all day long I play sad song on piano in the house...I just want to be like that..I want to play just for myself...not for anyone...
That's why I always listen to sad songs,fantasy songs, and when I'm listening to those kind of songs,I will start to imagine the place....Even when I'm nervous or tired, when I imagine that suddenly I can feel I just reborn with new spirits...When I'm down,I will keep telling my self "don't worry,one day you will go to the place." After saying that, I feel motivated...
How I wish I could go to that place...