Sad parenting

Before I'm going to sleep,well I feel like writing. First thing first, I'm indifferent regarding the changes that this blog has made. It might take sometimes to adapt. But hey, that's life. Things change whether we like it or not. So today in the morning while I was heading to my workplace, I stopped for awhile to buy my breakfast at one of my favourite hawkers. There I saw the hawker and her son whom I believe is around 5-7 years old. He shouted and grunted at his mom (the hawker) about something. If I am not mistaken, he had lost something. Probably misplaced it. It is normal for kids to express disgruntled but the way he expressed it  and the way his mom reacted "oh he lost something" nonchalantly made me feel  angry. Come on. He is growing up. He knows what is wrong and what is right. You should do better than that rather than expressing like it was not a big deal. The kid was still mad and displayed some early aggression towards the situation by the time I left that place. I am a big believer of "it is not wrong to whoop your kid if you have to". That situation was the perfect time to teach the way to express disappointment appropriately or perhaps instill some respect.  Yea...yea I know some might say you don't have to whoop to teach kids, but rather talk nicely and explain about it. Well I believe that way was done by the hawker and it was not working obviously. 

    I remember there is a case in my village. It happens to my father's friend. He loved his children too much and never laid a finger on them. Guess what? When the kid grew up, he wanted to kick...literally kick his father. Growing up without serious consequences when doing wrong, so that is the product.

    To my grandchildren, just remember I do not feel like whooping you but if I have to, I'll do it. Respect your parents. They are not your friends. Yes you can be friendly with your parents but at the same time you need to remember, they are your parents. Not your friends. You must know the boundary. 

Okay, I'm off to bed. Taaa~

Abandon me not please.

It's coming back to me slowly. I have been waiting for it for quite sometimes. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for it? Finally it is coming back to me. Yea it was my fault I lost it. It all started at the moment I lost the person whom I love the most. You know I am the type of person who will give my all when I want something. I will try every possible way I can think of so that when it is destined for me to fail, I can say I have done my best. I will ask myself if I happened to come across the same situation, what could I do to have my desired outcome. I always come to conclusion that I can't do any better so no regrets. But...this time is different. I did my best. I tried my best yet I still have regrets and sorrow. I can't think what could I do to improve the situation. I just can't. How I miss the past. 

Dear silent readers, I know you read this. No, I am not depressed. It is hard to describe what I am going through. I do not know why are you guys reading this. Why?

A little different~

Hi...we meet again. Not sure I should worry or not but as I'm looking around, I realise I am a little bit different from others. I do not really have the drive for something like others would do. I don't like cars, expensive cars, big houses, and many more. I think you get the idea. I am not sure whether it is a good condition being like this. I do not have guidance. 

Weeks go by

Now my earworm has changed. I start to get back to my starting point. Relapse is the best word to describe my current situation. Do I like it? The short answer is no...the longer answer is nooooo....I don't want to be like this. I do not want to continue drifting. I am afraid that little by little, I am back to the starting point.I had sacrificed a lot to go to the front. I am not willing to go back. Sometimes...nah not sometimes. I always feel I am alone in this battle. I do not have close friends who have the same goal like I do. It is a hard battle. HELP~

Suddenly

Everything won't be the same anymore. To whom should I go when I need advice and strength. You are gone, I know you are still there. I really miss you. You are so hard to reach. I miss you so much ;)

Nope~

Good evening my dear grandchildren. Feeling good today? You know last week I almost drown. If I drown last week, things would be so different now. While I was dying and I knew I was in a deep trouble, I didn't scream or shout for help. Not really sure why. Maybe I don't trust humans that they could save me. Last week I noticed several things. Before that you must know that I nowadays I don't really like to socialize like I used to when I was young. So last week was actually the first time in almost 3 years I went out with my colleagues. We did an activity together. Then I noticed why I put my distance with others. The topics that intrigued them weren't really my cup of tea. I am not saying I am a good person or they are inferior, but it was just pure boredom. Talked about getting a second wife, women, and made fun of others. I am too old for that. Those topics are really lame. When I was there, I realised I didn't miss anything. Thought things had changed but nope. I am really glad I spend my time alone. I am not an anti social person. I really like to socialise but I am really picky with the people I want to spend my time. I want to grow and I love to have people helping me to grow. The problem is that kind of people are really rare so it makes me look as if I am anti social. Remember my advice. Choose your peers carefully. Don't do the same mistake I did. I had wasted too much time.

From heart to mouth

Good evening my grandchildren. I'm under the weather for several days. Not really nice right? There is something bothering me slightly. I do not really know how to express it. You know even though I am an adult, there are so many things I am still clueless about. I am not sure how I will I react when the moment comes. My best strategy is to go with the flow. Of course I should prepare myself but I just can't think straight. Nowadays my mouth betrays my heart. I remember one day my heart said other thing but my mouth uttered another. Why did you betray me? Perhaps I just want to conceal the real thing for my own safety. Hopefully next time I will shut up for awhile, rephrase what I am going to say, then say it. I do not want my mouth to betray my heart again. I am just too old for it.