Do not give up

It is funny for you to feel you lose something but you do not really have it at the first place. Are you kidding me? There are good people out there. Be strong! and start searching for them. My secrets and my past are very dark. Darker than the night. Be grateful.

What's the verdict?

The waiting is killing me. I am nervous and excited at the same time. And I really want this to end as soon as possible. I can't really predict what is going to happen. Hey, remember this. No matter what is the outcome, always focus on the purpose of this thing. I am here not to fool around. 

This evening

Tomorrow I am going back to my hometown. I can't wait to go back because I really need to recharge myself. I still remember when I was a younger, I waited for holidays with so many plans. Back then I was full of energy to travel around and to explore new things. Just say any crazy idea and I would be like "Yes, why not?". At that time my mind was like I need to do something crazy so that I do not regret later. You know, I never told the whole crazy things I did when we were close. I was afraid that you might have a different perspective on me. I would look dumb, stupid, and crazy if I revealed things that I did when I was young. It would be contradictable with the character that I portrayed in front of you. But now that character is the real me. I do not really have passion to try something new. I do not want to travel anymore. The moment that incident happened, I lost almost everything. From an adventurous person, I am known as a no fun guy. Even when people ask me to tag along to watch movies, my answer will always be "No, not interested". Ah...I remember two to three weeks ago, my friend and I went to a mall ( Had to accompany him because he needed my help), I saw things that I am trying to leave behind. I was like "Oh...so these are the things that I used to live with". Now they fail to capture my attention. Quite a lot of things I leave behind. 

Most of the times, I have a hard time to pretend I am interested in the topics that my friends are talking. Actually deep inside I do not really care. Those things that they glorify are nothing. The things are not permanent. They will vanish in times. Can't they see it? Look at the people who used to glorify those things. Now they are dead and left behind all the things that they fought for and even willing to die for. Did they take those things to their graves? I am really not interested anymore. It is funny. Sometimes when they talk about uninteresting topics (for me), I purposely let my mind slip into my own world. I pretend to listen but actually my mind is not there. I am at somewhere else. 

Nah, this topic is too complex to be described in details. I should not begin with it. Anyway, may one day all my wishes will come true. I am waiting for that moment. 

Say NO!

It is just a cartoon,what could go wrong? In psychology, there is a theory called "Familiarity theory". When a person is exposed to a new experience, gradually the person will accept it as a norm. Same thing happens to society. Bit by bit they expose the taboo elements and slowly our society will accept them. Can't you see?

 Can't you see they start to play with words? If you learn discourse analysis, words are bounded into three classes. Negative, neutral, and positive. Take a look at the word "homophobic". "Homo" is a neutral word but "phobic" is a negative word. Derived from the word "phobia". When you have phobia of something, it carries negative experience. By calling "homophobic" to people who disagree  with them, it subconsciously develops negative image on the people. No one likes to be perceived as negative people. Slowly people will think "hey, let's accept the behaviour or we are going to be perceived as negative people."  What if we call the people as "Pro human nature". Pretty sure no one minds to be called that. Can't you see? I watch a documentary on how the slowly make the western society to accept the group. In early 90's, it was a taboo to be gay. Instead of using the words  "homosexual or gay", they replaced the words with "queer" and the society started to accept it. Enough of discourse. Can't you see?

Now move on to the point "Hey, now it is 2017,we are not in stone age!". The definition of modern life  varies according to scholars. Some perceive modern life  as progression and development in lifestyle with cutting edge technology and skyscrapers in cities. I prefer the definition of modern life as progression and development in lifestyle  also our moral (in my case religion and the definition is not by me). Sad to say most of us only prefer the first definition. Okey back to 2017, what if I said "Hey it is 2017,are you living in stone age? Do you know that homosexuality can be traced back to thousands years ago? Why do you want to practice ancient tradition?"

Heh.So many things I want to say but now I am too lazy. Okay I am going off now.Goodbye.

Plan B

Can you see that home above?If I am not married,that would be my type of house.So minimal yet so perfect.In the time for the people strive for more and more, I am so grateful that I have been guided not to waste my time on temporary things.Maybe just maybe people would feel a bit sympathy towards me for choosing that kind of life, but actually I pity them for focusing too much on unnecessary things in their life.I can imagine my simple life living in that house,Yeap that's my home.

If one day my colleagues, friends, or family members visit me at my home, please do not be sad.I am happy with what I have chosen. The move is not be made due to my disappointments in my life, but actually I have planned it long before you guys knew me. I am inspired by someone's whom I admire the most speech.Wake up in the morning, be grateful I am still alive, and head to see my idol.Then go back to the house and rest. In the evening, I head back to see my idol till dawn and head to a place to see another idol to learn from him.Then I go back home to sleep.The routine is repeated till I die.Hopefully I am forgiven.Please wait for me at the other side.Just like what you have promised.I know I am not a good person but I am trying to be as good as you guys.One day we will be on the same par. ;)

Animal

Good evening my grandchildren!!!Yes I am here.Okey I want to have a short babbling with you.You know I saw several times people kick animals because the animals begged them for some food.When it happened,I felt real bad for the animals.Regardless cats or dogs or even monkeys, they are hungry too.Why can't you just share some of your food?I will look at the people who treat animals with cruelty with hatred.How I wish they one day feel the way the animals feel.I want the people to feel hunger,full of expectations and I hope their hopes are crashed by the world.Then they will have empathy towards animals.Okay that is all.I have to read now.For the glory of farmer of course.Good night!!!

What is next?

Yeay!!! I am writing now because I feel it had been such a long time I did not write. So many big things went by and I did not write those. Currently I am so busy with my study. Hmm...Two more semesters and by God's will I am going to finish the study by the end of this year. I start to think to pursue my PhD. Yet so many things I have to consider. I will start to have commitment, what I am going to do with my PhD and many more. I seriously do not want to be a lecturer because lecturers' working hour is sooooo long. I don't think I am going to be happy with long working hour but at the same time I love academic reading. I am not really good at wasting time like small talks or talk about football.hmmm..I always need something to read or do if not I would feel I was not productive enough.Nah....Let me finish my study first then I will make my mind.