It has been more than a year yet the feelings are still as strong as if it just happened yesterday. This scar or perhaps this cut is still bleeding. Almost no one knows how devastated I am. Yup for your information every time I miss you too much my tears will shed. Do you know that? I do shed tears.They call me a man without feelings. They were wrong. I told no one. I hold in and conceal it so good until people think I am healed. Remember my promises?I am trying my best not to break them. Unless I have an order to fulfill. I obey orders. Your promises, my promises, haunt me ;(. I vividly remember every single word I uttered when I tried to win your trust and your heart. I try not to recall them too often because I am tired of shedding my tears. Yup. A grown up man still sheds tears. What I want is neither more nor less or like you. I want you. Exactly you. I still remember the way you smiled and you talked. I thought to myself how lucky I was to have you by my side. Deep inside my heart, I pledged I would take you to be a part of my life. If I had to open up my heart for someone else, I would choose you. Remember the day I went away and you said I was the same with other men? You hurt me ;(. I am different. I left you (hopefully for awhile) against my will. It is an order. If the stake is only my life, I am not afraid to lose it. But...it is more than that. One day I hope that day will come. "Hey you, thanks for waiting. I am here now. Follow my lead. ;)" Su Ann. I miss you.